Yes, Prime Minister Quotes

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"Israeli Ambassador: Well, Jim, what are you going to do about St George's?
James Hacker: You know about that?
Israeli Ambassador: Obviously.
James Hacker: Not a serious problem, is it?
Israeli Ambassador: Isn't it? Your information must be better than mine.
James Hacker: Don't be silly. Mine comes from the Foreign Office.
Israeli Ambassador: Israeli Intelligence says that East Yemen are going to invade St George's Island in the next few days.
James Hacker: What? So that's the connection.
Israeli Ambassador: Your Foreign Office have agreed with East Yemen that they'll make strong diplomatic representations, but do nothing. In return, the Yemenis will let you keep your airport contract after they've taken over.
James Hacker: There will be uproar!
Israeli Ambassador: That's only the start. I happen to know from our ambassador in Washington that the Americans are going to support the present government of St George's.
James Hacker: In the U.N.?
Israeli Ambassador: No, in battle. On St George's Island. They'll send in an airborne division backed up by the Seventh Fleet.
James Hacker: The Americans? Invading a Commonwealth country? The Palace will hit the roof. And I'll look ridiculous. Why didn't the Americans tell me?
Israeli Ambassador: They don't trust you.
James Hacker: Why not?
Israeli Ambassador: Because you trust the Foreign Office.
James Hacker: Oh, I see. What can I do about it?
Israeli Ambassador: Jim, you have an airborne battalion on standby in Germany that is not now needed for the NATO exercise.
James Hacker: How do you know?
Israeli Ambassador: I know. Now, if you were to send it to St George's Island, it would frighten off East Yemen. They'd never dare invade. Of course, it's not for the Israeli ambassador to advise the British Prime Minister.
James Hacker: And he wouldn't take your advice anyway.
[picks up phone]
James Hacker: Get me the Foreign Secretary and then the Defence Secretary, please.
[hangs up]
James Hacker: A wonder the Foreign Office didn't cover themselves. Maybe they did. They gave me several boxes tonight. I've been through them all except this one. I wonder if this could be it, "Northern Indian Ocean Situation Report". 138 pages, it must be it.
[phone rings]
James Hacker: Hello? Yes, Ronnie. I want the president of St George's Island to extend an invitation to Britain to send an airborne battalion on a goodwill visit. No, just a friendly gesture. Goodwill. Yes, at once, please. Thank you.
[hangs up]
James Hacker: He seemed to think that 800 fully armed paratroopers was an awful lot to send on a goodwill visit.
Israeli Ambassador: No, it's just an awful lot of goodwill.
James Hacker: [phone rings] Oh, yes, Paul. You know you have an airborne battalion on standby in Germany? Never mind how I know. Well, since it's not being used, I want them to fly straight off to St George's Island. Sort of between Africa and India. A goodwill visit. Just showing the flag. They have been invited. Yes. Leave in... six hours. Yes, an instant goodwill visit. Tell your press office to announce it at once. No, no, leave me out of it. A routine visit. All right - a routine surprise visit. Well, say they were invited earlier, but the NATO exercise got in the way. Now they're not needed, they're going anyway. All right. Nobody knows it's not true. Press statements aren't delivered under oath.
[hangs up]
James Hacker: They'll be off at midnight."
Yes, Prime Minister - 1986
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"Jim Hacker: [the Prime Minister attempts to repeat Humphrey's explaination to Dorothy] Well, because if people came to see people who people didn't know people were coming... that is, if people saw people coming before people saw them seeing people, people would see people. The whole ship would go off the rails. You see.
Dorothy Wainwright: Did you work all that out for yourself?"
Yes, Prime Minister - 1986
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"Sir Humphrey Appleby: I gather that there's an airborne battalion in the air.
James Hacker: Sounds like the right place for it."
Yes, Prime Minister - 1986
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"James Hacker: We want to build a bright future for our children. We want to build a peaceful and prosperous Britain, a Britain that can hold her head high in the fellowship of nations. This is rather good. Who wrote this?
Godfrey - TV Producer: Actually, it's from the last party political by the leader of the opposition."
Yes, Prime Minister - 1986
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Featured Book: The Most Brilliant Thoughts of All Time (In Two Lines or Less) by John M. Shanahan

You don't have to be a genius to sound like one. Here's a collection of the most profound and provocative wit and wisdom in the English language in two lines or less. Edited by entrepreneur John M. Shanahan, who created the wildly successful Hooked on Phonics program, this wonderful book presents the best that has been thought and said on every imaginable topic.
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"Jim Hacker: You mean the German ambassador's lunch is government business, but mine isn't?
Sir Humphrey Appleby: That is so. Not just the German ambassador's, of course, any ambassador's.
Jim Hacker: Fine. Bernard, get the diary. On Monday I'll have lunch with the German ambassador. On Tuesday, with the French ambassador; on Wednesday, with the American ambassador. Oh, mustn't leave out the Commonwealth; on Thursday I'll have lunch with the New Zealand High Commissioner. How many countries are there in the UN?
Bernard Woolley: Well 158, Prime minister.
Jim Hacker: Good. That'll take up about six months; then we'll start round again.
Bernard Woolley: Prime Minister, you're not free to have lunch with ambassadors every day. Sometimes there will be other official lunches.
Jim Hacker: Even better. We'll fill up the odd gaps.
Sir Humphrey Appleby: I think that the Foreign and Commonwealth Office might have some views on that.
Jim Hacker: Oh, why?
Sir Humphrey Appleby: Well, they always say that one Prime Minister's lunch with an ambassador destroys two years of patient diplomacy. I'm not quite sure how they'd react to 158."
Yes, Prime Minister - 1986
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"[last lines]
Sir Humphrey Appleby: After all, this is a partnership.
James Hacker: Yes, a real partnership.
Sir Humphrey Appleby: Yes, Prime Minister."
Yes, Prime Minister - 1986
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"James Hacker: Humphrey, I'm worried.
Sir Humphrey Appleby: Oh, what about, Prime Minister?
James Hacker: About the Americans.
Sir Humphrey Appleby: Oh yes, well, we're all worried about the Americans."
Yes, Prime Minister - 1986
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"James Hacker: Foreign affairs are a complicated business, aren't they?
Sir Humphrey Appleby: Yes, indeed, Prime Minister. That's why we leave it to the Foreign Office."
Yes, Prime Minister - 1986
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"Israeli Ambassador: It's well known that in the British Foreign Office an instruction from the Prime Minister becomes a request from the Foreign Secretary, then a recommendation from the Minister of State and, finally, just a suggestion to the ambassador. If it ever gets that far."
Yes, Prime Minister - 1986
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"Jim Hacker: You will agree that so far my premiership has been a great success.
Sir Humphrey: Oh, indeed.
Jim Hacker: Yes, and I have been asking myself: "What can I do to continue this run of success?"
Sir Humphrey: Have you considered masterly inactivity?
Jim Hacker: No, Humphrey. A Prime Minister must be firm.
Sir Humphrey: Indeed. How about *firm* masterly inactivity?"
Yes, Prime Minister - 1986
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"Sir Humphrey Appleby: Hello, Bernard. I believe the Prime Minister wants to see me.
Bernard Woolley: Yes, Sir Humphrey.
Sir Humphrey Appleby: What's his problem?
Bernard Woolley: Education.
Sir Humphrey Appleby: Well, it's a bit late to do anything about that now.
Bernard Woolley: No, no, the education system.
Sir Humphrey Appleby: I see. Well, it's a bit late to do anything about that either."
Yes, Prime Minister - 1988
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