The Bullwinkle Show Quotes

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"["Bullwinkle's Corner" does "Tom, Tom the Piper's Son" as a "Dragnet" spoof. Bullwinkle, as Tom, is arrested for stealing a pig. At the police station, he is grilled under a hot light by two police detectives who speak in quick "Dragnet"-style dialogue]
Police Officer #1: D'you know it's a felony to pack a pig over a state line?
Police Officer #2: Pig-napping!
Bullwinkle: But, it's a pig in a poem!
Police Officer #1: Oh, a pig in a poke, huh?
Bullwinkle: Not "poke." "Poem." Pig in a poem!
Police Officer #2: Pig poem?
Bullwinkle: [Measuring with his hands] Not so pig, just about...
Police Officer #1: You makin' fun of the way we talk?
Bullwinkle: [Frustrated] No, but it's *catchin'!*
Police Officer #2: [Writing on a notepad] Name?
Bullwinkle: I'm Tom, Tom the Piper's Son!
Police Officer #1: [Holds up the pig] All right, Piper's Son. What were you gonna do with the pig?
Bullwinkle: Well, the poem says, "The pig was eat." But...
Police Officer #2: Gonna eat it, huh?
Police Officer #1: On a platter?
Police Officer #2: Apple in it's mouth, like that?
Bullwinkle: [angry] Certainly not!
Police Officer #1: All right, Piper's Son, you can go. But don't leave town.
Bullwinkle: Thanks! Can I have my pig back?
Police Officer #2: No. Evidence.
Bullwinkle: [Moves toward the door] Darn!
Police Officer #1: One more thing, Piper's Son.
Bullwinkle: What's that?
Police Officer #1: [Holds up the pig, smiling] You got an apple on you?
[Bullwinkle looks dizzy. The "Dragnet" theme plays: 'Dum de dum dum!'] "
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"Bullwinkle: Got the wrong script from the teleprompter. As you know this is really the Humphley/Brinley report. No no. The Bullwinkle Show. And I am your moose-ster of ceremonies for the next half-hour: Bullwinkle his-self. As if you couldn't tell. I mean what other show has a host who sings, dances, recites poetry and has antlers? Well, on this network anyway..."
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"Rocky: Are you getting sea sick, Bullwinkle?
Bullwinkle: No, I always turn green this time of year.
Rocky: Well if you think this is bad?
Bullwinkle: Yeah.
Rocky: Just wait till we cast off."
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"Boris: [trying to trick Rocky and Bullwinkle] I am part of one of the biggest advertising company's in the country. Dancer, Prancer, Blitzen and Fink.
Bullwinkle: Yeah, I have heard of those first three fellows, but who is Fink?
Boris: I am Fink.
Natasha: You can say that again dahling.
"
The Bullwinkle Show - 1961
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"Natasha Fatale: Boris, is Moose you said you killed in previous episode?
Boris Badenov: Look, it's his show. If he wants to be hard to kill, let him.
"
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"Boris Badenov: Phooey! Foiled again!
Natasha Fatale: Don't you mean, Curses! Foiled again!?
Boris Badenov: Please, Natasha. This is kiddie show.
"
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Featured Book: The Most Brilliant Thoughts of All Time (In Two Lines or Less) by John M. Shanahan

You don't have to be a genius to sound like one. Here's a collection of the most profound and provocative wit and wisdom in the English language in two lines or less. Edited by entrepreneur John M. Shanahan, who created the wildly successful Hooked on Phonics program, this wonderful book presents the best that has been thought and said on every imaginable topic.
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"Natasha Fatale: Boris, is Moose you said you killed in previous episode?
Boris Badenov: Look, it's his show. If he wants to be hard to kill, let him."
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"Boris Badenov: Phooey! Foiled again!
Natasha Fatale: Don't you mean, "Curses! Foiled again!"?
Boris Badenov: Please, Natasha. This is kiddie show."
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"Boris Badenov: Ah, it good to be back on campus.
Natasha Fatale: Boris, you went to college? Penn State?
Boris Badenov: No, state pen.
"
The Bullwinkle Show - 1961
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"Natasha: Boris, how are we going to steal car from moose and squirrel?
Boris: Easy, we are going into the used car business.
Natasha: On purpose?
"
The Bullwinkle Show - 1961
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"Rocky: Bullwinkle, I'm worried.
Bullwinkle: Ratings down in the show again?
Rocky: No.
Bullwinkle: That's odd.
Rocky: I'm worried because there have already been two attempts on your life.
Bullwinkle: Oh, don't worry. We will be renewed.
Rocky: I'm not talking about the Bullwinkle Show.
Bullwinkle: You had better; we could use the publicity.
"
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"Rocky: Bullwinkle, I'm worried.
Bullwinkle: Ratings down in the show again?
Rocky: No.
Bullwinkle: That's odd.
Rocky: I'm worried because there have already been two attempts on your life.
Bullwinkle: Oh, don't worry. We will be renewed.
Rocky: I'm not talking about the Bullwinkle Show.
Bullwinkle: You had better; we could use the publicity."
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"[Rocky and Bullwinkle have brought an old model ship to an antique dealer]
Rocky: Bullwinkle, this ship is covered in rubies and look what's written on the side! O-Mar Khay-yam. Bullwinkle, do you know what this is?
Bullwinkle: Well, if you're waiting on me to say it, I won't.
Antique Dealer: Me neither.
Rocky: OK, then this must be
[pause]
Rocky: The Ruby Yacht of Omar Khayyam.
Bullwinkle, Antique Dealer: OOOOH!
"
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"[Rocky and Bullwinkle have brought an old model ship to an antique dealer]
Rocky: Bullwinkle, this ship is covered in rubies and look what's written on the side! O-Mar Khay-yam. Bullwinkle, do you know what this is?
Bullwinkle: Well, if you're waiting on me to say it, I won't.
Antique Dealer: Me neither.
Rocky: OK, then this must be
[pause]
Rocky: "The Ruby Yacht of Omar Khayyam".
Bullwinkle, Antique Dealer: OOOOH!"
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"Bullwinkle: Got the wrong script from the teleprompter. As you know this is really the Humphley/Brinley report. No no. The Bullwinkle Show. And I am your moose-ster of ceremonies for the next half-hour: Bullwinkle his-self. As if you couldn't tell. I mean what other show has a host who sings, dances, recites poetry and has antlers? Well, on this network anyway...
"
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"Rocky: Bullwinkle, do you know what an A-Bomb is?
Bullwinkle: Sure, a bomb is what some people call our show.
Rocky: I don't think that's very funny.
Bullwinkle: Neither do they apparently
"
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"Rocky: Bullwinkle, do you know what an A-Bomb is?
Bullwinkle: Sure, a bomb is what some people call our show.
Rocky: I don't think that's very funny.
Bullwinkle: Neither do they apparently"
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"Rocky: Are you getting sea sick, Bullwinkle?
Bullwinkle: No, I always turn green this time of year.
Rocky: Well if you think this is bad?
Bullwinkle: Yeah.
Rocky: Just wait till we cast off.
"
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"Rocky: Bullwinkle, did you forget the plot again?
Bullwinkle: In a word, you said it.
Rocky: That's three words.
Bullwinkle: I'm a heavy tipper.
"
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"Rocky: Bullwinkle, did you forget the plot again?
Bullwinkle: In a word, you said it.
Rocky: That's three words.
Bullwinkle: I'm a heavy tipper."
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"Bullwinkle: [pointing to Florida on a map] Here it is: Frostbite Falls, Minnesota.
Rocket J. Squirrel: Bullwinkle, that's Florida!
Bullwinkle: Well, if they keep adding new states all the time how can you expect me to keep up?
"
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