The Bullwinkle Show Quotes

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"["Bullwinkle's Corner" does "Tom, Tom the Piper's Son" as a "Dragnet" spoof. Bullwinkle, as Tom, is arrested for stealing a pig. At the police station, he is grilled under a hot light by two police detectives who speak in quick "Dragnet"-style dialogue]
Police Officer #1: D'you know it's a felony to pack a pig over a state line?
Police Officer #2: Pig-napping!
Bullwinkle: But, it's a pig in a poem!
Police Officer #1: Oh, a pig in a poke, huh?
Bullwinkle: Not "poke." "Poem." Pig in a poem!
Police Officer #2: Pig poem?
Bullwinkle: [Measuring with his hands] Not so pig, just about...
Police Officer #1: You makin' fun of the way we talk?
Bullwinkle: [Frustrated] No, but it's *catchin'!*
Police Officer #2: [Writing on a notepad] Name?
Bullwinkle: I'm Tom, Tom the Piper's Son!
Police Officer #1: [Holds up the pig] All right, Piper's Son. What were you gonna do with the pig?
Bullwinkle: Well, the poem says, "The pig was eat." But...
Police Officer #2: Gonna eat it, huh?
Police Officer #1: On a platter?
Police Officer #2: Apple in it's mouth, like that?
Bullwinkle: [angry] Certainly not!
Police Officer #1: All right, Piper's Son, you can go. But don't leave town.
Bullwinkle: Thanks! Can I have my pig back?
Police Officer #2: No. Evidence.
Bullwinkle: [Moves toward the door] Darn!
Police Officer #1: One more thing, Piper's Son.
Bullwinkle: What's that?
Police Officer #1: [Holds up the pig, smiling] You got an apple on you?
[Bullwinkle looks dizzy. The "Dragnet" theme plays: 'Dum de dum dum!'] "
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