Monty Python's Flying Circus Quotes

Found 334 quotes.
[ Page 2 of 16 ]
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"'Thrust' Presenter: Good evening. I have with me tonight Anne Elk. Mrs. Anne Elk.
Miss Anne Elk: Miss.
'Thrust' Presenter: You say you have a new theory about the brontosaurus
Miss Anne Elk: Can I just say here Chris for one moment that I have a new theory about the brontosaurus.
'Thrust' Presenter: Exactly.
[long pause]
'Thrust' Presenter: Well, what is it?
Miss Anne Elk: [looks around, concerned] Where?
'Thrust' Presenter: No, no, your new theory.
Miss Anne Elk: Oh, what is my theory?
'Thrust' Presenter: Yes.
Miss Anne Elk: Oh, what is my theory that it is. Well, Chris, you may well ask me what is my theory.
'Thrust' Presenter: I am asking.
Miss Anne Elk: Good for you. My word yes. Well, Chris, what it is that it is - this theory of mine. Well, this is what it is - my theory that I have, that is to say, which is mine, is mine.
'Thrust' Presenter: Yes, I know it's yours, what is it?
Miss Anne Elk: [looks round again] Where? Oh, what is my theory? This is it.
[clears her throat at length]
Miss Anne Elk: My theory that belongs to me is as follows.
[clears her throat very noisily and violently]
Miss Anne Elk: This is how it goes. The next thing I'm going to say is my theory. Ready?
'Thrust' Presenter: [exasperated] Yes.
Miss Anne Elk: My theory by A. Elk, brackets, Miss, brackets. This theory goes as follows and begins now. All brontosauruses are thin at one end, much much thicker in the middle, and the thin again at the far end. That is my theory, it is mine, and it belongs to me, and I own it, and what it is, too.
'Thrust' Presenter: That's it, is it?
Miss Anne Elk: Spot on, Chris.
'Thrust' Presenter: Well, uh, this theory of yours appears to have hit the nail on the head.
Miss Anne Elk: And it's mine."
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"Mr Boniface: ["It's the Mind: A Weekly Magazine of Things Psychiatric"] Good evening. Tonight on "It's the Mind", we examine the phenomenon of déjà vu, that strange feeling we sometimes get that we've lived through something before, that what is happening now has already happened tonight on "It's the Mind" we examine the phenomenon of déjà vu, that strange feeling we sometimes get that we've...
[looks puzzled]
Mr Boniface: Anyway, tonight on "It's the Mind", we examine the phenomenon of déjà vu, that strange -
["It's the Mind" opening titles again, then back to Mr Boniface, shaken]
Mr Boniface: Good evening. Tonight on "It's the Mind", we examine the phenomenon of déjà vu, that strange feeling we someti... mes get... that... we've lived through something -
["It's the Mind" opening titles again, then back to Mr Boniface, visibly shaken]
Mr Boniface: Good... good evening. Tonight on "It's the Mind", we examine the phenomenon of d-d-d-d-d-déjà v-v-v-v-v-vu. That extraordinary feeling... quite extraordinary...
[trails off; the phone rings and he picks it up]
Mr Boniface: No, fine thanks, fine.
[a hand reaches in and sets a glass on the desk; Boniface drinks and the hand exits]
Mr Boniface: Oh thank you. That strange feeling we sometimes get that we've lived through something before.
[phone; he picks it up]
Mr Boniface: No, fine thank you, fine.
[hand comes in as before; he jumps]
Mr Boniface: Thank you. That strange feeling we...
[phone]
Mr Boniface: No, fine thank you, fine.
[hand with glass]
Mr Boniface: Thank you.
[jumps and yelps]
Mr Boniface: Look, something's happening to me. I-I-um, I think I'd better go and see someone. Good night.
[exits and boards the psychiatrist milk float outside]
Milkman: Oi, haven't I seen you somewhere before?
Mr Boniface: No, doctor, no. Something very funny's happening to me.
["It's the Mind" opening titles again, then back to Boniface in the studio, nervously biting his nails. He sees the camera, screams with terror, and runs outside to the float]
Milkman: Oi, haven't I seen you somewhere before?
Mr Boniface: No, doctor, no. Something very funny's happening to me.
[a few minutes later, outside Dr Cream's office, Boniface jumps off and runs inside]
Dr Cream: Ah, come in. Now what seems to be the matter?
Mr Boniface: I have this terrible feeling of déjà vu.
[outside, he jumps off the float, looks about, puzzled, and runs inside]
Dr Cream: Ah, come in. Now, what seems to be the matter?
Mr Boniface: I have this terrible feeling of déjà vu.
[outside, he jumps off the float, more shaken, and runs in]
Dr Cream: Ah, come in. Now what seems to be the matter?
Mr Boniface: I have this terrible feeling of déjà vu.
[outside, he jumps off the float, looks about, scared, and runs inside as the show ends] "
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"BBC Announcer: [BBC1 World symbol appears] Here is a preview of some of the programmes you'll be able to see coming shortly on BBC Television. To kick off with there's variety...
[cut to still picture of Peter West and Brian Johnston]
BBC Announcer: Peter West and Brian Johnston star in "Rain Stopped Play", a whacky new comedy series about the gay exploits of two television cricket commentators
[cut to photo of E. W. Swanton]
BBC Announcer: with E. W. Swanton as Aggie the kooky Scots maid. For those of you who don't like variety, there's variety, with Brian Close at the Talk of the Town.
[cut to picture of Brian Close in cricket whites on a stage]
BBC Announcer: And of course there'll be sport. The Classics series
[cut to engraving of London and caption: "The Classics"]
BBC Announcer: return to BBC 2 with twenty-six episodes of John Galsworthy's "Snooker My Way"
[cut to composite photo of Nyree Dawn Porter holding a snooker cue]
BBC Announcer: with Nyree Dawn Porter repeating her triumph as Joe Davis. And of course there'll be sport. Comedy is not forgotten
[cut to Caption: "Comedy"]
BBC Announcer: with Jim Laker
[cut to photo of Laker]
BBC Announcer: in "Thirteen Weeks of Off-spin Bowling". Jim plays the zany bachelor bowler in a new series of "Owzat", with Anneley Brummond-Haye on Mr Softee
[cut to photo of same]
BBC Announcer: as his wife. And of course there'll be sport. "Panorama" will be returning, introduced
[cut to "Panorama" caption with photo of Tony Jacklin]
BBC Announcer: as usual by Tony Jacklin, and Lulu
[cut to photo of Lulu]
BBC Announcer: will be tackling the Old Man of Hoy
[cut to photo of same]
BBC Announcer: And for those of you who prefer drama - there's sport. On "Show of the Week" Kenneth Wostenholme sings.
[cut to still of him, superimposed over Flick Colby Dancers, Pans People, ono]
BBC Announcer: And for those of you who don't like television there's David Coleman.
[cut to picture of him smiling]
BBC Announcer: And of course there'll be sport. But now for something completely different - sport."
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