Liar Liar Quotes

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"Fletcher: Mrs. Cole, is this a copy of your driver's liscense?
[shows paper]
Samantha: That's right.
Fletcher: It says here you are a blonde, are you? If you don't remember perhaps Mr. Faulk will.
Samantha: Brunette.
Fletcher: Maybe if we play the tape again, maybe it's on there...
Samantha: I'm a brunette!
Fletcher: Thank you. Now let's see... weight 105? Yeah, in your bra.
Dana: Your honor, I object.
Fletcher: You would!
Dana: Bastard!
Fletcher: Hag!
Judge Stevens: QUIET! Overruled! Weight?
Samantha: 118.
[Fletcher gives her a look]
Samantha: Alright, fine, fine, I'm 127.
Fletcher: Uh, huh, and it says here you were born in 1964, but that's not true either is it? Is it!
Samantha: No.
Fletcher: Please tell the court what's on your birth certificate under Date of Birth.
Dana: Your honor, I object. What does this have to do with anything?
Judge Stevens: Overruled. Mrs. Cole, answer the question.
Samantha: 1965.
Fletcher: Now let get this straight. That means you lied about your age to make yourself older. But why would any woman want to DO THAT?
Samantha: I changed it so I could get married.
Fletcher: AND THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE! My client lied about her age! She was only 17 when she got married, which makes her a minor. And in the great state of California, no minor can enter into any legal contract without parental consent.
[to Dana]
Fletcher: Including...?
Dana: [sighs] Prenuptual agreements.
Fletcher: Prenuptual agreements! This contract is void! The fact that my client has been riden more than Seattle Slew is irrelevant. Standard Community Property applies and she is entitled to half of the marital assets, or $11.395 million. Jordan fades back, swoosh, and THAT'S THE GAME! Nothing further, your honor!"
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Mark Twain
Birth: 1835-11-30 Death: 1910-04-21

"Rail-splitting produced an unparalleled president in Lincoln. But gold hasn't produced even a good A-1 congressman."

Known for his razor sharp wit and ever-present cigar, Mark Twain is one of America's most respected and appreciated humorists. In addition to his classic works, including, The Adventures of Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn, Twain's satires and folksy tales found their way into the heart's of the American public. For more than a century Twain has delighted young and old with his stories and insights. Often he used his humor to tackle some of society's most delicate matters, including the issue of slavery. Twain was also a noted lecturer and traveler, his book Following the Equator being …



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