Karaula Quotes

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"King Arthur: You fight with the strength of many men, Sir Knight.
[the Black Knight doesn't respond]
King Arthur: I am Arthur, King of the Britons.
[no response]
King Arthur: I seek the bravest and the finest knights in the land who will join me in my court at Camelot.
[no response]
King Arthur: You have proved yourself worthy. Will you join me?
[no response]
King Arthur: You make me sad. So be it. Come, Patsy!
[attempts to get around the Black Knight]
Black Knight: None shall pass.
King Arthur: What?
Black Knight: None shall pass!
King Arthur: I have no quarrel with you, good Sir Knight. But I must cross this bridge.
Black Knight: Then you shall die.
King Arthur: I command you, as King of the Britons, to stand aside!
Black Knight: I move for no man.
King Arthur: So be it!
[they fight until Arthur cuts off Black Knight's left arm]
King Arthur: Now, stand aside, worthy adversary!
Black Knight: 'Tis but a scratch!
King Arthur: A scratch? Your arm's off!
Black Knight: No, it isn't!
King Arthur: Well, what's that then?
King Arthur: I've had worse.
King Arthur: You liar!
Black Knight: Come on, you pansy!
[they fight again. Arthur cuts off the Knight's right arm]
King Arthur: Victory is mine!
[kneels to pray]
King Arthur: We thank thee, Lord, that in thy mercy -
[cut off by the Knight kicking him]
Black Knight: Come on, then.
King Arthur: What?
Black Knight: Have at you!
King Arthur: You are indeed brave, Sir Knight, but the fight is mine!
Black Knight: Oh, had enough, eh?
King Arthur: Look, you stupid bastard. You've got no arms left!"
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
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"Kathryn: The parental units called while you were out.
Sebastian: How IS your gold-digging, whore of a mother enjoying Bali?
Kathryn: She suspects your impotent, alcoholic father is diddling the maid.
Sebastian: Good.
"
Cruel Intentions - 1999
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"King Arthur: Who are you who can summon fire without flint or tinder?
Tim: There are some who call me... Tim.
"
Monty Python and the Holy Grail - 1975
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"Monks: Pie Iesu Domine, Dona Eis Requiem
[bonk!]
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Monty Python and the Holy Grail - 1975
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"Bugs Bunny: Cut it out, Gargantua. I'm not an ape. I'm a rabbit. Long ears... fluffy tail... technically known as a rodentus rabbitus.
Mrs. Gruesome Gorilla: [crying] My baby doesn't love me.
Bugs Bunny: That's my soft spot - dames crying. So she thinks I'm her baby. I'll play along with the gag. All right, lady. Turn off the waterworks... mother.
[Mrs. Gruesome takes Bugs and dresses him up as a baby]
Bugs Bunny: Me and my big, fat mouth.
"
Gorilla My Dreams - 1948
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Featured Book: The Most Brilliant Thoughts of All Time (In Two Lines or Less) by John M. Shanahan

You don't have to be a genius to sound like one. Here's a collection of the most profound and provocative wit and wisdom in the English language in two lines or less. Edited by entrepreneur John M. Shanahan, who created the wildly successful Hooked on Phonics program, this wonderful book presents the best that has been thought and said on every imaginable topic.
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"Kathryn: Who are you spying on? That her?
Sebastian: Yeah
Kathryn: Aww, she's crying. Little baby upset about the big bad book.
Sebastian: Shut up!
Kathryn: What's up your ass?
"
Cruel Intentions - 1999
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"Berger: We're gonna need a bigger HELICOPTER!
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Cruel Jaws (TV) - 1995
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"Cratchit: Tomorrow is Christmas and I was wondering if I could have... Half a day off?
Scrooge: Christmas, eh? Uh, er... I suppose so. But I'll dock you half a day's pay. Let's see, I pay you two shillings a day...
Cratchit: Two shillings and a halfpenny, Sir.
Scrooge: Oh yes, I gave you that raise three years ago.
Cratchit: Yes, sir, when I started doing your laundry.
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Mickeys Christmas Carol - 1983
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"Scrooge: Please, let me go! Don't eat me!
Ghost of Christmas Present: Why would the Ghost of Christmas Present - that's me - want to eat a distasteful little miser like you?... Especially when there are so many good things to enjoy in life?
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Mickeys Christmas Carol - 1983
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"Scrooge: What's she cooking, a canary? Surely they have more food than that. Look on the fire.
Ghost of Christmas Present: Huh, where? Oh, that's your laundry.
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Mickeys Christmas Carol - 1983
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"Count Rudolph Falliere a.k.a. Rudy the hairdresser: I have a system that can't miss. If I happened to be standing beside a brunette I bet on red. If I am standing next to a readhead I bet on black.
Armand: But suppose you're standing next to a blonde. What do you do then?
Count Rudolph Falliere a.k.a. Rudy the hairdresser: I ask where she lives.
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Monte Carlo - 1930
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"Countess Helene Mara: oh, oh, oh, oh... ohohohoo... that feels good... oh,oh... that feels even better... you must have electricity in your hands. I've never felt like this before! Gorgeous!
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Monte Carlo - 1930
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"[Holding the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch]
King Arthur: How does it... um... how does it work?
Sir Lancelot: I know not, my liege.
King Arthur: Consult the Book of Armaments.
Brother Maynard: Armaments, chapter two, verses nine through twenty-one.
Cleric: [reading] And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy." And the Lord did grin. And the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths, and carp and anchovies, and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit-bats and large chu...
Brother Maynard: Skip a bit, Brother...
Cleric: And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.
Brother Maynard: Amen.
All: Amen.
King Arthur: Right. One... two... five.
Galahad: Three, sir.
King Arthur: Three."
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
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"Carol Burnett: Hey, Julie. Do you remember when we first worked together?
Julie Andrews: No.
Carol Burnett: Of course you do! It was on the Gary Moore Show.
Julie Andrews: No.
Carol Burnett: Don't you remember? We did that number about Texas?
Julie Andrews: No!
Carol Burnett: Well, do you remember how good you were?
Julie Andrews: Oh, yes!"
Julie and Carol at Carnegie Hall
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"Carla: Maybe we're having a delayed reaction to the trauma of being shot at like those guys in 'Nam.
Connie: You can say 'Name Carla. You weren't in 'Nam. You have to call in Vietnam.
Carla: Shut up Connie! I can call it what I want!
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Connie and Carla - 2004
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