I Heart Huckabees Quotes

Found 135 quotes.
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"Dawn Campbell: I'm in my tree talking to the Dixie Chicks and they're making me feel better.
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I Heart Huckabees - 2004
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"Bernard Jaffe: There's no such thing as nothing.
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I Heart Huckabees - 2004
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"Albert Markovski: No, I'm not. I'm talking about not covering every square inch with houses and strip malls until you can't remember what happens when you stand in a meadow at dusk.
Bret: What happens in the meadow at dusk?
Albert Markovski: Everything!
Mrs. Hooten: Nothing!
Albert Markovski: Everything.
Mrs. Hooten: Nothing!
Albert Markovski: Everything!
Mrs. Hooten: Nothing!
Albert Markovski: It's beautiful.
Tommy Corn: It's beautiful.
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I Heart Huckabees - 2004
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"Mrs. Silver: [to Caterine Vauban] God, what are you, a bitch? You're a bitch. How many kids do you have, bitch?"
I Heart Huckabees
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"Tommy Corn: But there's no way I could stop it's use in my lifetime is there? I mean, Jimmy Carter would have an electric car by now. I could have a Cadillac Escalade and it could be electric. I wouldn't have to ride my bicycle."
I Heart Huckabees
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"Brad Stand: Huckabees cornucopia of stuff we all want, but what happened to the gazelles? Were they squashed under the CD department?
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I Heart Huckabees - 2004
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"Brad Stand: Huckabees cornucopia of stuff we all want, but what happened to the gazelles? Were they squashed under the CD department?"
I Heart Huckabees
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"Dawn Campbell: Oh please, I don't think of myself as being that pretty.
[Brad whispers in her ear]
Dawn Campbell: Yes, that changed at Huckabees. You know, I was never their pretty girl.
Bernard Jaffe: Really?
Dawn Campbell: No! I just have to keep up with this gorgeous hottie.
Vivian Jaffe: How's the sex?
Bernard Jaffe: How is the sex?
Dawn Campbell: The sex?
Brad Stand: Come on, guys.
[laughs]
Brad Stand: Come on. That's private.
Dawn Campbell: That's gross.
Vivian Jaffe: Our undercover surveillance shows it's been infrequent and short. Eight to nine minutes. Typically.
Dawn Campbell: Surveillance? You've watched us?
Vivian Jaffe: No, just listened.
Brad Stand: So your surveillance is wrong!
[laughs uncomfortably]
Dawn Campbell: Yeah. It's quantity not quality.
Brad Stand: She meant quality not quantity.
Dawn Campbell: I know, I was only joking.
Bernard Jaffe: Were you joking when you said quantity and not quality?
Dawn Campbell: We're private about our seven minutes of heaven!
Brad Stand: It's longer than that, darling.
Dawn Campbell: Eight minutes of heaven! It's quantity not quality!
[laughs hysterically]
Brad Stand: You should see her after a couple of margaritas.
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I Heart Huckabees - 2004
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"Dawn Campbell: Oh please, I don't think of myself as being that pretty.
[Brad whispers in her ear]
Dawn Campbell: Yes, that changed at Huckabees. You know, I was never their pretty girl.
Bernard Jaffe: Really?
Dawn Campbell: No! I just have to keep up with this gorgeous hottie.
Vivian Jaffe: How's the sex?
Bernard Jaffe: How is the sex?
Dawn Campbell: The sex?
Brad Stand: Come on, guys.
[laughs]
Brad Stand: Come on. That's private.
Dawn Campbell: That's gross.
Vivian Jaffe: Our undercover surveillance shows it's been infrequent and short. Eight to nine minutes. Typically.
Dawn Campbell: Surveillance? You've watched us?
Vivian Jaffe: No, just listened.
Brad Stand: So your surveillance is wrong!
[laughs uncomfortably]
Dawn Campbell: Yeah. It's quantity not quality.
Brad Stand: She meant quality not quantity.
Dawn Campbell: I know, I was only joking.
Bernard Jaffe: Were you joking when you said quantity and not quality?
Dawn Campbell: We're private about our seven minutes of heaven!
Brad Stand: It's longer than that, darling.
Dawn Campbell: Eight minutes of heaven! It's not quality, it's quantity!
[laughs hysterically]
Brad Stand: You should see her after a couple of margaritas."
I Heart Huckabees
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"Brad Stand: Hey, welcome. You like my new office?
Bernard Jaffe: Let's start with the method.
Brad Stand: Let's start with the method.
Vivian Jaffe: We'd like to discuss...
Brad Stand: We'd like to discuss...
Bernard Jaffe: Okay, what are you doing?
Brad Stand: Okay, what are you doing?
Bernard Jaffe: What are you doing?
Brad Stand: [chuckling] I'm jokin' around, guys. But seriously, I want to quit the process with you. Nothing personal. I appreciate what you've done for me, but I'm over it.
Vivian Jaffe: You can't quit until the case is over.
Brad Stand: Ah, I can fire you.
Bernard Jaffe: No, you can't.
Brad Stand: Sure I can.
Bernard Jaffe: No, you can't. Paragraph 201. "Neither client nor detective may terminate case prior to resolution as defined by paragraph 314, subclause 'd'." Which states...
Brad Stand: That's not binding.
Bernard Jaffe: Oh, it's binding.
Brad Stand: I'll find a lawyer. Or maybe even go to the FBI. How 'bout that?
Bernard Jaffe: Go ahead.
Brad Stand: Oh, I will. I'm not kidding.
Vivian Jaffe: Brad, this is how it works. You go to the police. You tell them you went to the existential detectives. They ask why. You say, "For personal reasons." Or, maybe you wanted to work the politics at your corporation by rattling Albert Markovski.
Brad Stand: I never told you that.
Bernard Jaffe: Well, give us a little credit.
Vivian Jaffe: The police go to Huckabees. They talk to them. The board learns that rising star, Brad Stand, has weird existential issues. Or he fakes them.
Bernard Jaffe: Which is odd.
Vivian Jaffe: Which is worse."
I Heart Huckabees
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"Vivian Jaffe: And your girlfriend, the voice of Huckabees, is dressing like an Amish bag lady.
Brad Stand: Okay, I get it.
Bernard Jaffe: You know, Brad, suddenly, your star isn't rising anymore. It's sinking.
Brad Stand: Okay. I said I get it, Bernie. Relax.
Bernard Jaffe: Passive-aggressive.
Brad Stand: Shut up.
Bernard Jaffe: Aggressive-aggressive.
[pause]
Bernard Jaffe: Shall we get back to the case?
Brad Stand: All right. What you got on me? Nothin'.
Bernard Jaffe: Our staff did a little field work in, uh, Cleveland.
Bernard Jaffe: What? Talk to my family?
Vivian Jaffe: [holding up a picture] Mommy and Daddy look awesome. So do you.
Brad Stand: You bastards.
Bernard Jaffe: But this guy...
[Points to Brad's brother]
Bernard Jaffe: He doesn't look too good, does he, Brad?
Brad Stand: How could you do this?
[starts to sob, then suddenly breaks into laughter]
Brad Stand: Are you kidding me? He weighs 250. He talks about geckos all the time.
Vivian Jaffe: I thought he was a sweet, sensitive young man.
Brad Stand: Oh, excuse me. You spoke to my sad, fat brother?
Vivian Jaffe: Indeed, I did, at length.
Bernard Jaffe: Well, if he's so sensitive, why doesn't he lose 70 pounds and stop talking about geckos. Maybe he'll find some friends."
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"Dawn Campbell: [emotionless] These are the best tops around. Last time, last year - not so good.
[suddenly fervent]
Dawn Campbell: But now, this is the *truth*!
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I Heart Huckabees - 2004
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"Albert Markovski: We're not in infinity; we're in the suburbs.
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I Heart Huckabees - 2004
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"Brad Stand: Shania cares!
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I Heart Huckabees - 2004
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"Caterine Vauban: It is inevitable to be drawn back into human drama.
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I Heart Huckabees - 2004
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"Bernard Jaffe: There is no remainder in the mathematics of infinity.
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I Heart Huckabees - 2004
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"Albert Markovski: Everything is the same, even if it's different.
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I Heart Huckabees - 2004
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"Dawn Campbell: ****abees!
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I Heart Huckabees - 2004
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"Vivian Jaffe: Passive aggressive.
Brad Stand: Shut up!
Bernard Jaffe: Aggressive aggressive.
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I Heart Huckabees - 2004
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"Security Guard: Hey, sign your bike out! Sign your bike out!
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I Heart Huckabees - 2004
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