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"Joe Dirt: There are three rules when dealin' with a deadly alligator. And yes, they are deadly, don't kid yaself. Rule number one, I'm number one. Ya hear that, I like ta kid around. Rule two, the croc's number two. Now before I begin...
Kid at Gator Farm: Hey, what's rule three?
Joe Dirt: What's that? Kid, give me a break now.
Kid at Gator Farm: So you don't know rule three?
Joe Dirt: Yeah, you want a match? My face and your ass! How 'bout that friend? Huh? I mean, your ass and my face, what's up?
Joe Dirt: Here we go, I'm a bit of a crocophile, so don't try this at home. This here's Rocky, and he ain't no puppy. Now, let's see if Rocky's got some cavities.
[Joe opens Rocky's mouth]
Joe Dirt: This mofo knows not to mess with Sir Joseph Dirt.
[Joe puts his head inside Rocky's mouth, then screams as Rocky moves his head up and down thrashing Joe around]
Joe Dirt: [Rocky throws Joe out of his mouth as crowd laughs and cheers] Oh, when bad pets go bad, dang.
Joe Dirt: [Babbling nonsensically] It's like the cartoons, I'm seein' all "tweet tweet".
Charlene the Gator Farmer: Joe, what can I do fa you? Ya not makin' any sense.
Joe Dirt: Not makin'? Not makin'?
[Flashback to Joe's little sister in the car on their way to the Grand Canyon]
Joe's Little Sister: That's why Dad named you Joe Dirt instead of Nunamaker.
[echoes]
Joe Dirt: Nunamaker! Nunamaker! That's what my sister said on the way to the Grand Canyon! My last name's Dirt, her last name's Nunamaker! That's my parents' last name!"
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Will Rogers
Birth: 1879-11-04 Death: 1935-08-15

"The 1928 Republican Convention opened with a prayer. If the Lord can see His way clear to bless the Republican Party the way it's been carrying on, then the rest of us ought to get it without even asking."

A man of many talents, Will Rogers was born in 1859 in Oklahoma. On a ranch growing up, a freed slave taught Rogers how to use a lasso. He turned his roping skills into a job as a trick roper at Wild West shows and on Vaudeville stages. As he did his rope tricks, he'd tell jokes and offer commentary on the world. He was a smart man and his ability to tell the truth while making people laugh quickly caught on with American audiences. During his lifetime, he starred on Broadway, appeared in 71 movies, was a popular broadcaster and wrote 4,000 syndicated newspaper columns. He died in a pl…



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