100 Girls Quotes

Found 53 quotes.
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"Matthew: [upon seeing Crick knocking on Patty's door, and shouting her name] You are not going to bother her again!
Crick: You, go to hell!
Matthew: I am turning you in.
Crick: What for?
Matthew: You sexually assaulted me.
[Crick gave a sign of disbelief, so Matthew showed him the tongue he bit off him days before]
Crick: You'll never gonna prove it!
"
100 Girls - 2000
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"Matthew: Without you, I'm as lonely as an abandoned dog on the side of a highway. I have gift anxiety, even through I don't know when your birthday is. We can spend perfect days shopping and cooking together. I swear, I'll never make wisecracks when you scrape your tires against the curb while parallel parking. If you consent to live with me, I'll clean the toilet every week. I'll do it with my tongue if you ask. I will strike the words "hooters" and "love rockets" from my vocabulary. I'll love you. Even if your name is Mimi and you want me to pronounce it "May May". I will only pass gas underneath the covers and only under the direst of circumstances. Hell, I'll go on a low cholesterol diet. And I won't buy one of those red sports cars when I hit my mid-life crisis. Your parents can come visit us every week, even if your mom is a big witch with a capital B. And your folks don't have to go to a retirement home because they can come live with us. I declare, I'll separate the whites from the colors, I'll learn the mysteries of hot and cold water washes. I'll never huff and puff while waiting for you to put on your makeup. If you're a cat person, I'll never point out the fact that a dog can save your life from drowning, but a cat can't. I will happily go see chick flicks with you, like "Pride and Prejudice". I'll make a point to trying new food like okra gumbo. I won't curl my nose at vegetables whose awful taste is disguised by having cheese on it. I pledge to always say "yes" when you ask, "Is my hair looking okay tonight?" I'm gonna bring a whole new meaning to the word "cuddle". I'll be thoughtful enough to read your horoscope every day. I'm gonna save every birthday card you send me! And I'll actually write you real letters when we're apart. I'm never gonna expect you to know where I left my car keys, and I'll never leave my socks on the floor. With me, you'll find the cap is always on the toothpaste. I'll start wearing those male bikini style underwear if you like. My belly button will always be lint free. I want to full-on kiss your clitoris. It will be the most passionate, intimate experience you've ever had. I declare now, I will give my life for you. And if you fail to come to me, I know some part of me will surely die."
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"Rod: Man, take it easy, and if she's easy, take her twice."
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"Rod: Oh, yeah, nice from a far, but far from nice."
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"Matthew: Men have this anti-intimacy force field around them. It is powered by sarcasm, humor, and aversion."
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"Matthew: Isn't American cheese appropriately named? You know, it's fake and processed, just like America."
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Featured Book: The Most Brilliant Thoughts of All Time (In Two Lines or Less) by John M. Shanahan

You don't have to be a genius to sound like one. Here's a collection of the most profound and provocative wit and wisdom in the English language in two lines or less. Edited by entrepreneur John M. Shanahan, who created the wildly successful Hooked on Phonics program, this wonderful book presents the best that has been thought and said on every imaginable topic.
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"Matthew: It was if I was a perverted Prince Charming. Instead of possessing Cinderella's glass slippers, I had her panties."
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"Matthew: It must have been the cloak of darkness concealing my usual romantic retardation, because that night, I was smart. I was funny. I was invincible."
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"Matthew: I think the only 'ists' there should be are humanists."
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"Patty: In High School, you would have called me a slut. Now, in College, you call me a good time."
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"Patty: There's a certain way a man stares at a woman he loves. The man looks like a boy on his birthday. And he treats the woman as if she were a gift that he's waited so long to open and now he can't wait to see what the treasure is inside."
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"Matthew: There are no clearly defined rules between men and women. So, each side thinks they're playing fair and each side thinks they're being cheated. Maybe, this is why men and women have the innate ability to bring out the poison in one another."
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"Matthew: [upon seeing Crick knocking on Patty's door, and shouting her name] You are not going to bother her again!
Crick: You, go to hell!
Matthew: I am turning you in.
Crick: What for?
Matthew: [voice over] I fought through the shame to bring out the truth.
[to Crick]
Matthew: I'm going to the police. You sexually assaulted me.
[Crick gave a sign of disbelief, so Matthew showed him the tongue he bit off him days before]
Crick: You'll never gonna prove it!"
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"[last lines]
Patty: Oh, sweet leaping Jesus!"
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"Mystery Elevator Girl: Can you hit the basement button please?"
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"Matthew: In the morning she was gone. I had to find her."
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"Rod: But check it out, this penile power thing, it's going to help me you know, increase my libido, help me maintain a full, firm erection and it's gonna help me control my ejaculation baby, so I'm going to be going all night long."
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"Rod: You know, all you gotta do is find the matching bra to those panties and bam! Mystery solved!
Matthew: That's not a half bad idea.
Rod: Yeah."
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"Rod: What are you? A Wyllie E. Coyote super genius or something?
Matthew: Yeah. Something like that.
Rod: Wait, the Coyote never caught the Roadrunner."
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"Matthew: Hi, I'm Matt, the new ward study maintenance man. I had a call about some rats."
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