Funny Quotes


Whether you're in the depths of the doldrums or want to lift the spirits of a family member or friend, funny quotes can be the perfect antidote. Delivered by some of the world’s greatest comedians, from W.C. Fields and Grouch Marx to Chris Rock, humor is a universal power that will leave us laughing, guffawing, chortling and rolling in the aisles. Funny quotes aren’t just hilarious. Many of them can help us see the folly of ourselves and each other, as well as those little grains of truth that run through good comedy and humor. Life is not always a basket of roses; sometimes it seems to be beating you down, and it probably feels impossible to smile or laugh. Our collection of Funny Quotes will get you rolling on the floor in laughter, your sides splitting and tears running down your face (well maybe)! They are the perfect go-to whenever you need a chuckle to brighten your day. "If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?" Stephen Wright From smiles to giggles to all-out deep-throated guffaws that will have you gasping for air, these hilarious words from thousands of authors will give you the perfect witty thing to say; whether for graduation or a birthday, a project or personal pleasure, we have funny quotes galore! And after you browse our funny quotes, you might want to check out the motivational quotes on Great-Quotes to find the motivation you will need to get back to work!

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Funny Quotes


Life is not always a basket of roses; sometimes it seems to be beating you down, and it probably feels impossible to smile or laugh. Our collection of Funny Quotes will get you rolling on the floor in laughter, your sides splitting and tears running down your face (well maybe)! They are the perfect go-to whenever you need a chuckle to brighten your day.


"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?" Stephen Wright


From smiles to giggles to all-out deep-throated guffaws that will have you gasping for air, these hilarious words from thousands of authors will give you the perfect witty thing to say; whether for graduation or a birthday, a project or personal pleasure, we have funny quotes galore!


And after you browse our funny quotes, you might want to check out the motivational quotes on Great-Quotes to find the motivation you will need to get back to work!

Reference.com Definition of Funny
Funny on Wikipedia.org


Found 4,406 quotes in the topic of Funny .
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Winston Churchill

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." Winston Churchill
As quoted in Dictionary of British Politics (2004) pg. 324 Famously quipped by Churchill about Sir Stafford Cripps, who Churchill was forced to work closely with during his time as Prime Minister. Add Category or Author

English Statesman    Famous    Funny    Humorous    Top 100   

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"We were given: Two hands to hold. Two legs to walk. Two eyes to see. Two ears to listen. But why only one heart? Because the other was given to someone else for us to find." Author Unknown
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Cute Love    Editor's Pick    Facebook    Funny    Love    Quote of the Day    Sweet Love    Valentine's Day   

Eva Gabor

"Marriage is too interesting an experiment to be tried only once." Eva Gabor
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Funny    Hungarian Actress    Marriage   

Erica Mann Jong

"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't." Erica Mann Jong
How to Save Your Own Life (1977) Add Category or Author

   Advice    Editor's Pick    Famous    Funny    Knowledge    Motivational    Pearls of Wisdom    Quotes    Top 100   

Albert Einstein

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe." Albert Einstein
The authenticity of this quote is disputed and no source before 1969 can be found, though this sentiment was certainly not expressed first by Einstein even if it was really spoken by him. Earlier variants include, "He quotes the saying of Renan: it isn't the stars that give him an idea of infinity; it is man's stupidity" and "But who knows? The earth has its boundaries, but human stupidity is infinite!" Add Category or Author

Editor's Pick    Einstein    Famous    Funny    Human    Pearls of Wisdom    Quote of the Day    Top 100   

Mark Twain

"Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest." Mark Twain
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Enthusiasm    Funny    inspirational    Life    Pearls of Wisdom    People    Quote of the Day    Right And Rightness   

Winston Churchill

"A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on." Winston Churchill
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Editor's Pick    English Statesman    Famous    Funny    Lies And Lying    Quote of the Day    Short   

Mark Twain

"It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech." Mark Twain
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Funny    Mistakes    Quote of the Day   

George Burns

"I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate." George Burns
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American Comedian    Failure    Funny    inspirational    Life    Pearls of Wisdom    Positive    Success   

Sam Levenson

"If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button." Sam Levenson
As quoted in Hands Pointed Up (2004) pg. 145 Add Category or Author

American Author    Editor's Pick    Funny    Quote of the Day    Short   

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"Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason." Author Unknown
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Change    Funny    Quote of the Day   

Will Rogers

"When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car." Will Rogers
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Editor's Pick    Funny    Quote of the Day    Short   

Joan Rivers

"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call it the present." Joan Rivers
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American Comedian    Funny    Gifts   

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"Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?" Author Unknown
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Funny    Quote of the Day   

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"Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?" Author Unknown
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Funny    Quote of the Day   

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"Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad." Author Unknown
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Funny    Quote of the Day   

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"Don't wait for a light to appear at the end of the tunnel, stride down there and light the bloody thing yourself." Author Unknown
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Funny   

Robert Orben

"A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success." Robert Orben
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American Entertainer Quotes    Editor's Pick    Funny    Quote of the Day   

Abraham Lincoln

"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt." Abraham Lincoln
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Funny    Quote of the Day   

Oscar Wilde

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go" Oscar Wilde
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Editor's Pick    Funny    Quote of the Day    Short   

Albert Einstein

"The hardest thing in the world to understand is income taxes." Albert Einstein
Letter to Time Magazine (22 February 1963). Einstein's friend Leo Mattersdorf reported Einstein saying this, to which Mattersdorf replied, "There is one thing more difficult, and that is your theory of relativity." Einstein responded, "Oh no, that is easy." Add Category or Author

Famous    Funny    Humorous    Taxes And Taxation    Top 100   



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John Wayne
Birth: 1907-05-26 Death: 1979-11-06

"The High and the Mighty,"

Born Marion Morrison, John Wayne was the son of a pharmacist. Wayne got into acting after becoming a friend of actor Tom Mix who got him a job as a prop man in exchange for football tickets to USC, where Wayne played. He became friends of director John Ford who got him bit parts. He made 70 low-budget B westerns before Ford cast him in Stagecoach, which made him a star. He went on to appear in a string of major motion pictures, including The Alamo, The Green Berets and Fort Apache. He is perhaps best known for his role as Rooster Cogburn in True Grit, which earned him an Oscar.



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