Funny Short Quotes

Found 177 quotes in the topic of Funny Short .
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Winston Churchill

"A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on." — Winston Churchill
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Editor's Pick    English Statesman    Famous    Funny    Lies And Lying    Quote of the Day    Short   

Will Rogers

"When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car." — Will Rogers
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Sam Levenson

"If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button." — Sam Levenson
As quoted in Hands Pointed Up (2004) pg. 145 Add Category or Author

American Author    Editor's Pick    Funny    Quote of the Day    Short   

Oscar Wilde

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go" — Oscar Wilde
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"Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?" — Author Unknown
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"Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?" — Author Unknown
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"The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory." — Paul Fix
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Editor's Pick    Funny    Quote of the Day    Short    Thoughts And Thinking   

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"We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control." — Author Unknown
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"I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it." — Author Unknown
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Facebook    Funny    Quote of the Day    Short   

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"The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room." — Author Unknown
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"There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away." — Author Unknown
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"Always remember that you are unique; just like everyone else." — Author Unknown
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"A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip." — Author Unknown
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"I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks." — Author Unknown
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"Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever." — Author Unknown
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"I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot." — Author Unknown
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"Why is the place you drive on is a parkway, and the place you park on is the driveway?" — Author Unknown
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"With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine." — Author Unknown
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"What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot you racist." — Author Unknown
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Winston Churchill

"Many forms of Government have been tried and will be tried in this world of sin and woe. No one pretends that democracy is perfect or all-wise. Indeed, it has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all those other forms that have been tried from time to time." — Winston Churchill
The Official Report, House of Commons (5th Series) , 11 November 1947, vol. 444, cc. 206–07 From a speech given by Churchill in the House of Commons in 1947. Add Category or Author

Democracy    Famous    Funny    Short    Top 100   

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"Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off." — Author Unknown
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William Shakespeare
Birth: 1564-04-26 Death: 1616-04-23

William Shakespeare
"Tut, man, one fire burns out another's burning, One pain is lessen'd by another's anguish; Turn giddy, and be holp by backward turning; One desperate grief cures with another's languish: Take thou some new infection to thy eye, And the rank poison of"

Known during his lifetime as a gifted actor, poet and playwright, William Shakespeare, was also an impresario, owning the most successful of all London theaters, The Globe, which opened in 1599. During his life, Shakespeare authored an estimated 37 plays, 154 sonnets, two narrative poems and two" lost plays". He is only known to have graduated from grammar school, there being no records of him attending Oxford or Cambridge. His most famous and beloved plays are Hamlet and Romeo and Juliet, the latter was actually based on a short poem by Arthur Brooks. As fitting of a playwright, his o…

William Shakespeare Quotes

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