Funny Short Quotes

Found 177 quotes in the topic of Funny Short .
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Winston Churchill

"A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on." Winston Churchill
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Editor's Pick    English Statesman    Famous    Funny    Lies And Lying    Quote of the Day    Short   

Sam Levenson

"If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button." Sam Levenson
As quoted in Hands Pointed Up (2004) pg. 145 Add Category or Author

American Author    Editor's Pick    Funny    Quote of the Day    Short   

Will Rogers

"When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car." Will Rogers
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Oscar Wilde

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go" Oscar Wilde
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"Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?" Author Unknown
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"Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?" Author Unknown
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"The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory." Paul Fix
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Editor's Pick    Funny    Quote of the Day    Short    Thoughts And Thinking   

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"We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control." Author Unknown
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"I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it." Author Unknown
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Facebook    Funny    Quote of the Day    Short   

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"The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room." Author Unknown
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Funny    Quote of the Day    Short   

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"There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away." Author Unknown
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"Always remember that you are unique; just like everyone else." Author Unknown
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"A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip." Author Unknown
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"I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks." Author Unknown
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"Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever." Author Unknown
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"Why is the place you drive on is a parkway, and the place you park on is the driveway?" Author Unknown
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"I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot." Author Unknown
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Winston Churchill

"Many forms of Government have been tried and will be tried in this world of sin and woe. No one pretends that democracy is perfect or all-wise. Indeed, it has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all those other forms that have been tried from time to time." Winston Churchill
The Official Report, House of Commons (5th Series) , 11 November 1947, vol. 444, cc. 206–07 From a speech given by Churchill in the House of Commons in 1947. Add Category or Author

Democracy    Famous    Funny    Short    Top 100   

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"With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine." Author Unknown
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"What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot you racist." Author Unknown
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"Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off." Author Unknown
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Mark Twain
Birth: 1835-11-30 Death: 1910-04-21

"Rail-splitting produced an unparalleled president in Lincoln. But gold hasn't produced even a good A-1 congressman."

Known for his razor sharp wit and ever-present cigar, Mark Twain is one of America's most respected and appreciated humorists. In addition to his classic works, including, The Adventures of Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn, Twain's satires and folksy tales found their way into the heart's of the American public. For more than a century Twain has delighted young and old with his stories and insights. Often he used his humor to tackle some of society's most delicate matters, including the issue of slavery. Twain was also a noted lecturer and traveler, his book Following the Equator being …



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