Funny Quote of the Day

Found 326 quotes in the topic of Funny Quote of the Day .
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"We were given: Two hands to hold. Two legs to walk. Two eyes to see. Two ears to listen. But why only one heart? Because the other was given to someone else for us to find." Author Unknown
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Cute Love    Editor's Pick    Facebook    Funny    Love    Quote of the Day    Sweet Love    Valentine's Day   

Albert Einstein

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe." Albert Einstein
The authenticity of this quote is disputed and no source before 1969 can be found, though this sentiment was certainly not expressed first by Einstein even if it was really spoken by him. Earlier variants include, "He quotes the saying of Renan: it isn't the stars that give him an idea of infinity; it is man's stupidity" and "But who knows? The earth has its boundaries, but human stupidity is infinite!" Add Category or Author

Editor's Pick    Einstein    Famous    Funny    Human    Pearls of Wisdom    Quote of the Day    Top 100   

Mark Twain

"Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest." Mark Twain
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Enthusiasm    Funny    inspirational    Life    Pearls of Wisdom    People    Quote of the Day    Right And Rightness   

Winston Churchill

"A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on." Winston Churchill
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Editor's Pick    English Statesman    Famous    Funny    Lies And Lying    Quote of the Day    Short   

Mark Twain

"It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech." Mark Twain
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Funny    Mistakes    Quote of the Day   

Sam Levenson

"If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button." Sam Levenson
As quoted in Hands Pointed Up (2004) pg. 145 Add Category or Author

American Author    Editor's Pick    Funny    Quote of the Day    Short   

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"Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason." Author Unknown
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Change    Funny    Quote of the Day   

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"When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car." Will Rogers
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Editor's Pick    Funny    Quote of the Day    Short   

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"Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?" Author Unknown
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Funny    Quote of the Day   

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"Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?" Author Unknown
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Funny    Quote of the Day   

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"Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad." Author Unknown
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Funny    Quote of the Day   

Robert Orben

"A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success." Robert Orben
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American Entertainer Quotes    Editor's Pick    Funny    Quote of the Day   

Abraham Lincoln

"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt." Abraham Lincoln
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Funny    Quote of the Day   

Oscar Wilde

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go" Oscar Wilde
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Editor's Pick    Funny    Quote of the Day    Short   

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"Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?" Author Unknown
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Funny    Quote of the Day    Short   

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"Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?" Author Unknown
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Funny    Quote of the Day    Short   

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"The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory." Paul Fix
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Editor's Pick    Funny    Quote of the Day    Short    Thoughts And Thinking   

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"We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control." Author Unknown
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Funny    Quote of the Day    Short   

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"You can't leave footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your butt. And who wants to leave buttprints in the sands of time?" Author Unknown
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Editor's Pick    Funny    Quote of the Day   

Albert Einstein

"I don't know what weapons will be used in world war three, but in world war four people will use sticks and stones." Albert Einstein
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Editor's Pick    Funny    Humorous    Quote of the Day    War    Weapons   

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"Forget love... I'd rather fall in chocolate." Author Unknown
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Cute    Funny    Love    Quote of the Day   



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