Funny Children Quotes

Found 18 quotes in the topic of Funny Children .
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"One thing vampire children have to be taught early on is, don't run with wooden stakes." Jack Handy
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Children    Funny    Quote of the Day   

Benjamin Spock

"There are only two things a child will share willingly: communicable diseases and his mother's age" Benjamin Spock
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Children    Cute    Funny    Quote of the Day   

George Bernard Shaw

"Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children." George Bernard Shaw
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Age And Aging    Children    Funny   

Lenny Bruce

"If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses." Lenny Bruce
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American Comedian    Children    Funny   

Bill Cosby

"Nothing I've ever done has given me more joys and rewards than being a father to my children." Bill Cosby
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American Comedian    Children    Funny   

Bill Cosby

"Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home." Bill Cosby
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American Comedian    Children    Funny   

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"When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually." Stephen Wright
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American Comedian    Children    Funny   

Bill Cosby

"You know the only people who are always sure about the proper way to raise children? Those who've never had any." Bill Cosby
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American Comedian    Children    Funny   

Phyllis Diller

"We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up." Phyllis Diller
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American Comedian    Children    Funny   

P. J. O'Rourke

"Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them." P. J. O'Rourke
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American Comedian    Children    Funny   

Phyllis Diller

"Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home." Phyllis Diller
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American Comedian    Children    Funny   

Bill Cosby

"Poets have said that the reason to have children is to give yourself immortality. Immortality? Now that I have five children, my only hope is that they are all out of the house before I die." Bill Cosby
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American Comedian    Children    Funny   

Phyllis Diller

"Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going." Phyllis Diller
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American Comedian    Children    Funny   

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"God's children and their happiness are my reasons for being." Red Skelton
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American Comedian    Children    Funny   

Emo Philips

"I was the kid next door's imaginary friend." Emo Philips
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American Comedian    Children    Funny   

W. C. Fields

"I like children - fried." W. C. Fields
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American Comedian    Children    Funny   

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"A vegetarian is a person who won't eat anything that can have children." David Brenner
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American Comedian    Children    Funny   

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"The danger for children today, honey, is the news. Keep them away from news on television and you're going to have very, very fine, natural children." Jerry Lewis
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American Comedian    Children    Funny   





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Abraham Lincoln
Birth: 1809-02-12 Death: 1865-04-15

"All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother"

Often known as "Honest Abe," or "the Great Emancipator," Abraham Lincoln was the 16th President of the United States. Embroiled in a Civil War for much of his presidency, Lincoln was staunchly opposed to the expansion of slavery. During his administration he also broadly expanded the powers of the presidency, going so far as to personally direct the war effort and forcing the eventual surrender of the Confederacy. His leadership abilities and his political skills have had a lasting impact on U.S. politics and the presidency itself. He not only ended slavery, but brought about Westward …



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