Funny American Comedian Quotes

Found 2,793 quotes in the topic of Funny American Comedian .
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George Burns

"I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate." George Burns
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American Comedian    Failure    Funny    inspirational    Life    Pearls of Wisdom    Positive    Success   

Joan Rivers

"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call it the present." Joan Rivers
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American Comedian    Funny    Gifts   

W. C. Fields

"No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree." W. C. Fields
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American Comedian    Funny    Quote of the Day   

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"The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love." Joe Lewis
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American Comedian    Funny    Quote of the Day   

Jerry Seinfeld

"Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash." Jerry Seinfeld
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American Comedian    Editor's Pick    Funny    Quote of the Day   

W. C. Fields

"I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food." W. C. Fields
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American Comedian    Funny    Quote of the Day   

Robin Williams

"God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time." Robin Williams
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American Comedian    Funny    God    Quote of the Day   

Groucho Marx

"Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?" Groucho Marx
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American Comedian    Funny    Quote of the Day   

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"I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three." Elayne Boosler
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American Comedian    Funny    Quote of the Day   

Bill Cosby

"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody." Bill Cosby
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American Comedian    Failure    Funny    inspirational    Quote of the Day    Success   

Groucho Marx

"All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats." Groucho Marx
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American Comedian    Democrats    Funny    Quote of the Day   

Robin Williams

"You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it." Robin Williams
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American Comedian    Funny    Madness    Quote of the Day   

Josh Billings

"There are two things in life for which we are never truly prepared: Twins." Josh Billings
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American Comedian    Editor's Pick    Funny    Life    Quote of the Day   

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"Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff." Stephen Wright
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American Comedian    Funny   

Joan Rivers

"I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio." Joan Rivers
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American Comedian    Funny    Quote of the Day   

Groucho Marx

"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read." Groucho Marx
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American Comedian    Funny    Quote of the Day   

Robin Williams

"If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days." Robin Williams
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American Comedian    Comedy    Funny    Quote of the Day   

Rita Rudner

"Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?" Rita Rudner
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American Comedian    Funny    Quote of the Day   

Bob Hope

"A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it." Bob Hope
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American Comedian    Editor's Pick    Funny    Quote of the Day    Short   

Steven Wright

"A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths." Steven Wright
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American Comedian    Funny    Quote of the Day   

Joan Rivers

"I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor." Joan Rivers
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American Comedian    Funny    Quote of the Day   





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Maya Angelou
Birth: 1928-04-04

"I said, 'Don't worry about it -- I know our culture.'"

An internationally known and respected writer, poet and educator, Maya Angelou has authored such well-known titles as "I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings" and "Gather Together in My Name." She has produced and starred in several plays and authored the musical score and screenplay for the film Georgia, Georgia. She has been the recipient of many awards, including the Golden Eagle Award for her documentary, Americans in the Arts for PBS, and the LA Home Journal Woman of the Year Award. She has worked tirelessly in her life to improve the living conditions of women in the Third World, primar…



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