British Comedian Quotes

Found 311 quotes in the topic of British Comedian .
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Tommy Cooper

"I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure." Tommy Cooper
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British Comedian    Funny    Quote of the Day   

Tommy Cooper

"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'" Tommy Cooper
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British Comedian    Funny    Quote of the Day   

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"I'm playing all the right notes, but not necessarily in the right order." Eric Morecambe
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"My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden." Eric Morecambe
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British Comedian    Funny    Quote of the Day   

Tommy Cooper

"A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'" Tommy Cooper
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British Comedian    Funny   

Hugh Laurie

"I feel like I'm working on an oil rig right now. I'm away from home a lot." Hugh Laurie
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British Comedian    Funny    Home   

Eddie Izzard

"If you've never seen an elephant ski, you've never been on acid." Eddie Izzard
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Michael Palin

"There is barely a country in the world where you will be completely safe." Michael Palin
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British Comedian    Country    Funny   

Eddie Izzard

"Never put a sock in a toaster." Eddie Izzard
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British Comedian    Funny   

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"I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?" Paul Merton
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British Comedian    Funny   

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"Dressing up as decrepit old ladies, and even decrepit young ladies, was one of our staples." Graham Chapman
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Stephen Fry

"An original idea. That can't be too hard. The library must be full of them." Stephen Fry
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British Comedian    Funny   

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"My school days were the happiest days of my life; which should give you some indication of the misery I've endured over the past twenty-five years." Paul Merton
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"I told the Inland Revenue I didn't owe them a penny because I lived near the seaside." Ken Dodd
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Stephen Fry

"I don't watch television, I think it destroys the art of talking about oneself." Stephen Fry
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Art    British Comedian    Funny   

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"I hate people who think it's clever to take drugs... like custom officers." Jack Dee
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British Comedian    Custom    Funny   

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"There are two kinds of success. One is musical or artistic and the other is commercial." John McLaughlin
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British Comedian    Funny    Success   

Stephen Fry

"I'm afraid I was very much the traditionalist. I went down on one knee and dictated a proposal which my secretary faxed over straight away." Stephen Fry
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British Comedian    Funny   

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"There is no cannibalism in the British navy, absolutely none, and when I say none, I mean there is a certain amount." Graham Chapman
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"I don't have any message in the music. Music will be fine as long as you take care of yourself." John McLaughlin
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Michael Palin

"Armageddon is not around the corner. This is only what the people of violence want us to believe. The complexity and diversity of the world is the hope for the future." Michael Palin
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British Comedian    Funny   





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