American Comedian Editor's Pick Quotes

Found 9 quotes in the topic of American Comedian Editor's Pick .
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Jerry Seinfeld

"Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash." Jerry Seinfeld
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American Comedian    Editor's Pick    Funny    Quote of the Day   

Josh Billings

"There are two things in life for which we are never truly prepared: Twins." Josh Billings
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American Comedian    Editor's Pick    Funny    Life    Quote of the Day   

Bob Hope

"A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it." Bob Hope
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Groucho Marx

"Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot." Groucho Marx
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American Comedian    Editor's Pick    Funny    Love    Quote of the Day    Valentine's Day    Women   

Joan Rivers

"I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath.' For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds." Joan Rivers
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"I intend to live forever. So far, so good." Stephen Wright
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Groucho Marx

"One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know." Groucho Marx
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"The President of today is just the postage stamp of tomorrow." Gracie Allen
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Rodney Dangerfield

"I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender." Rodney Dangerfield
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American Comedian    Editor's Pick    Funny    Quote of the Day   



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