Tommy Cooper Quotes

Found 23 quotes by Tommy Cooper .
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Tommy Cooper

"I had a dream last night, I was eating a ten pound marshmallow. I woke up this morning and the pillow was gone." Tommy Cooper
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Editor's Pick    Funny    Quote of the Day   

Tommy Cooper

"It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in." Tommy Cooper
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Funny    Quote of the Day   

Tommy Cooper

"I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure." Tommy Cooper
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British Comedian    Funny    Quote of the Day   

Tommy Cooper

"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'" Tommy Cooper
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British Comedian    Funny    Quote of the Day   

Tommy Cooper

"A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'" Tommy Cooper
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British Comedian    Funny   

Tommy Cooper

"So I went to the dentist. He said "Say Aaah." I said "Why?" He said "My dog's died.'" Tommy Cooper
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Dentist   

Tommy Cooper

"I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'" Tommy Cooper
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British Comedian    Funny   

Tommy Cooper

"Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone." Tommy Cooper
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British Comedian    Funny   

Tommy Cooper

"I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost three days already!" Tommy Cooper
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Tommy Cooper

"So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it."" Tommy Cooper
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British Comedian    Funny   

Tommy Cooper

"And the back of his anorak was leaping up and down, and people were chucking money to him. I said 'Do you earn a living doing that?' He said 'Yes, this my livelihood.'" Tommy Cooper
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Livelihood    Money   

Tommy Cooper

"My wife had a go at me last night. She said, "You'll drive me to my grave." I had the car out in thirty seconds." Tommy Cooper
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Tommy Cooper

"I went window shopping today! I bought four windows." Tommy Cooper
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British Comedian    Funny   

Tommy Cooper

"So he said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.' I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books.'" Tommy Cooper
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British Comedian    Funny   

Tommy Cooper

"So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'" Tommy Cooper
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British Comedian    Funny   

Tommy Cooper

"Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off." Tommy Cooper
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British Comedian    Funny   

Tommy Cooper

"A policeman stopped me and said: "Would you please blow into this bag, sir?" I said: "What for, officer?" He said: "My chips are too hot."" Tommy Cooper
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Tommy Cooper

"So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'" Tommy Cooper
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Tommy Cooper

"So I went to the Doctor's yesterday. He said, "What appears to be the problem?" I said, "I keep having this dream, night after night, beautiful girls rushing towards me and I keep pushing them away." He said, "How can I help?" I said: "break my arms."" Tommy Cooper
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Tommy Cooper

"I inherited a painting and a violin which turned out to be a Rembrandt and a Stradivarius. Unfortunately, Rembrandt made lousy violins and Stradivarius was a terrible painter." Tommy Cooper
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Music   

Tommy Cooper

"Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet - it was a marriage of convenience!" Tommy Cooper
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British Comedian    Funny   





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