Tim Vine Quotes


Information about Tim Vine

Tim Vine
Tim Vine

The co-star of No Going Out and The Sketch Show for BBC, Tim Vine is a comedian and TV show host. He was the first host of Whittle and also starred in The Tim Vine Christmas Present, Saturday Live and The Stand Up Show. Vine holds the Guinness record for telling the most jokes in an hour with 499. He has toured the United Kingdom with his Joke Machine Gun Show. He was the winner of the Per…

Date of Birth: March 04, 1967


Found 17 quotes by Tim Vine .
[ Page 1 of 1 ]
Tim Vine

"So I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said "How flexible are you?". I said "I can't make Tuesdays"." Tim Vine
Add Category or Author

Flexible   

Tim Vine

"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice." Tim Vine
Add Category or Author

Tim Vine

"You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox." Tim Vine
Add Category or Author

British Comedian    Funny    Hunting   

Tim Vine

"So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'" Tim Vine
Add Category or Author

British Comedian    Funny   

Tim Vine

"Now, most dentist's chairs go up and down, don't they? The one I was in went back and forwards. I thought 'This is unusual'. And the dentist said to me 'Mr Vine, get out of the filing cabinet." Tim Vine
Add Category or Author

British Comedian    Funny   

Tim Vine

"So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are.'" Tim Vine
Add Category or Author

British Comedian    Funny    Home   

Tim Vine

"I was reading a book... 'the history of glue' - I couldn't put it down." Tim Vine
Add Category or Author

British Comedian    Funny    History   

Tim Vine

"So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red." Tim Vine
Add Category or Author

British Comedian    Chinese    Funny   

Tim Vine

"But I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself." Tim Vine
Add Category or Author

Love   

Tim Vine

"So I went down the local supermarket, I said "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it", he said "Those are pickled onions"." Tim Vine
Add Category or Author

Tim Vine

"So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted again.' And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I said 'I careered off the road.'" Tim Vine
Add Category or Author

Boss   

Tim Vine

"I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah, I thought "he's trying to pull a fast one'." Tim Vine
Add Category or Author

Tim Vine

"You see my next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter." Tim Vine
Add Category or Author

Catholic   

Tim Vine

"And the back of his anorak was leaping up and down, and people were chucking money to him. I said 'Do you earn a living doing that?' He said 'Yes, this is my livelihood.'" Tim Vine
Add Category or Author

Money   

Tim Vine

"Now you know those trick candles that you blow out and a couple of seconds." Tim Vine
Add Category or Author

British Comedian    Funny   

Tim Vine

"I was at sea the other day and loads of meat floated past. It was a bit choppy." Tim Vine
Add Category or Author

British Comedian    Funny   

Tim Vine

"Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin." Tim Vine
Add Category or Author

Dad   





Add this widget to your website!


"Top" Lists



"The words you need by the people you admire."

Copyright © 2002-2013 Great Quotes.com


Contact