Steven Wright Quotes


Information about Steven Wright

Comedian and Academy Award winner Steven Wright came to national prominence on the Tonight Show when he was booked to appear in 1982. This was followed by appearances on Saturday Night Live and David Letterman as well as numerous HBO and television specials, comedy albums and movie appearances. He won his Academy Award for Best Short Film with The Appointments of Dennis Jennings. Wright ha…

Date of Birth: December 06, 1955


Found 53 quotes by Steven Wright .
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"I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize" Steven Wright
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Funny    Quote of the Day   

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"A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths." Steven Wright
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American Comedian    Funny    Quote of the Day   

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"I bought an occassional table........sometimes it's a microwave oven." Steven Wright
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"I was at this restaurant. The sign said "Breakfast Anytime." So I ordered French Toast in the Renaissance." Steven Wright
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"If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?" Steven Wright
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American Comedian    Funny   

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"I've wanted to do it since I was 14 years old, from watching 'The Tonight Show,' watching Johnny (Carson) and the other comedians. Something clicked in me that I wanted to be one of those guys, someone who came out and made the audience laugh." Steven Wright
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"I've known Ian for a while. It's not about beating the best pitcher. He's still my buddy. I'll probably hang out with him tonight. It's just another game to me." Steven Wright
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"The statue is permanently out of place in my house," Steven Wright
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"It's a big deal for us. We have over 200 people registered. They're coming from all over the United States. We have people coming from Canada, Bermuda." Steven Wright
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"Nobody can really compare a relationship in which the victim is 15 years old to one where she's 6. While both criminal, they're very different circumstances." Steven Wright
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"I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'" Steven Wright
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American Comedian    Birthday    Funny   

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"I spilled Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone." Steven Wright
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"Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories." Steven Wright
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American Comedian    Funny    Memories   

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"Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time." Steven Wright
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American Comedian    Funny   

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"I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it." Steven Wright
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American Comedian    Funny   

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"Hermits have no peer pressure." Steven Wright
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American Comedian    Funny   

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"I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out." Steven Wright
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American Comedian    Funny   

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"It's a small world but I wouldn't want to paint it." Steven Wright
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American Comedian    Funny   

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"Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it." Steven Wright
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American Comedian    Funny   

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"Sponges grow in the ocean. This bothers me. How deep would it be if they didn't?" Steven Wright
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American Comedian    Funny   

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"It happens so fast, and I've been doing it so long that it's unconscious," Steven Wright
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