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Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

Found 70 quotes by Rodney Dangerfield .
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Rodney Dangerfield

39
39

"My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair." — Rodney Dangerfield
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American Comedian Funny

Rodney Dangerfield

44
44

"I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself." — Rodney Dangerfield
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American Comedian Funny Night

Rodney Dangerfield

34
34

"I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people." — Rodney Dangerfield
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American Comedian Funny People

Rodney Dangerfield

37
37

"I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof." — Rodney Dangerfield
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American Comedian Funny

Rodney Dangerfield

36
36

"When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother." — Rodney Dangerfield
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American Comedian Funny Mother

Rodney Dangerfield

30
30

"My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive." — Rodney Dangerfield
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American Comedian Funny Sex

Rodney Dangerfield

29
29

"I'm so ugly - I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get" — Rodney Dangerfield
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People

Rodney Dangerfield

27
27

"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet." — Rodney Dangerfield
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American Comedian Funny

Rodney Dangerfield

24
24

"When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them." — Rodney Dangerfield
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American Comedian Funny Parents

Rodney Dangerfield

18
18

"They change the sheets every day... from one bed to another." — Rodney Dangerfield
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Bed

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Rodney Dangerfield

12
12

"I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette." — Rodney Dangerfield
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American Comedian Cigarette Funny

Rodney Dangerfield

15
15

"I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it." — Rodney Dangerfield
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American Comedian Dogs Funny

Rodney Dangerfield

13
13

"I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot." — Rodney Dangerfield
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American Comedian Funny Mother

Rodney Dangerfield

10
10

"I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going." — Rodney Dangerfield
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American Comedian Funny

Rodney Dangerfield

9
9

"I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out." — Rodney Dangerfield
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American Comedian Funny Night

Rodney Dangerfield

6
6

"girl phoned me the other day and said .... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home." — Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield

6
6

"I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it." — Rodney Dangerfield
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American Comedian Funny

Rodney Dangerfield

7
7

"One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control." — Rodney Dangerfield
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American Comedian Birth Funny

Rodney Dangerfield

8
8

"My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet." — Rodney Dangerfield
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American Comedian Funny Short

Rodney Dangerfield

10
10

"A girl phoned me and said, âCome on over. Thereâs nobody home.â I went over. Nobody was home!" — Rodney Dangerfield
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Funny Short

Rodney Dangerfield

5
5

"If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all." — Rodney Dangerfield
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American Comedian Funny

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