Rita Rudner Quotes


Information about Rita Rudner

Rita Rudner
Rita Rudner

Comedian Rita Rudner has carved a niche in stand up, largely because of her low-key, soft-spoken style of delivery. Born in Miami, Rudner dreamed of dancing on Broadway as a child. She actually toured for a time with traveling productions of Annie and Promises, Promises. She initially resisted a career in comedy, but eventually she overcame her fear of failure and stage fright, gaining eno…

Date of Birth: September 17, 1953


Found 55 quotes by Rita Rudner .
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Rita Rudner

"Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?" Rita Rudner
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American Comedian    Funny    Quote of the Day   

Rita Rudner

"Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times." Rita Rudner
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American Comedian    Confession    Funny    Love    Quote of the Day    Valentine's Day   

Rita Rudner

"I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life." Rita Rudner
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American Comedian    Funny    Quote of the Day   

Rita Rudner

"Men hate to lose. I beat my husband once at tennis. I asked him, "Will we ever make love again?" He said, "Yes.... but not with each other."" Rita Rudner
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Rita Rudner

"I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine." Rita Rudner
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American Comedian    Ballet    Funny   

Rita Rudner

"It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was" Rita Rudner
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Rita Rudner

"We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet." Rita Rudner
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American Comedian    Funny   

Rita Rudner

"I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso." Rita Rudner
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American Comedian    Funny    Office   

Rita Rudner

"I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult." Rita Rudner
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American Comedian    Funny   

Rita Rudner

"Most turkeys taste better the day after, my mother's tasted better the day before" Rita Rudner
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Rita Rudner

"Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in." Rita Rudner
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American Comedian    Funny    Women   

Rita Rudner

"I don't plan to grow old gracefully; I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet" Rita Rudner
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Rita Rudner

"I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose." Rita Rudner
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American Comedian    Funny    Love   

Rita Rudner

"I never know what to get my father for his birthday. I gave him a hundred dollars and said, 'Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.' So he went out and bought a present for my mother." Rita Rudner
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Rita Rudner

"In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk." Rita Rudner
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American Comedian    Funny    Hollywood   

Rita Rudner

"Now that we've got the East-West All-Star game here, don't you think there's the possibility that someday we'll have our own team?" Rita Rudner
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Rita Rudner

"The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him." Rita Rudner
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American Comedian    Funny   

Rita Rudner

"My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping." Rita Rudner
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American Comedian    Funny   

Rita Rudner

"Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be." Rita Rudner
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American Comedian    Funny   

Rita Rudner

"Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?" Rita Rudner
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American Comedian    Funny   

Rita Rudner

"Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them." Rita Rudner
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American Comedian    Funny   





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