Phyllis Diller Quotes


Information about Phyllis Diller

Known for her outlandish humor, hilarious fashion sense and self-deprecating monologues, Phyllis Diller began her career with a 1955 club booking that went 87 weeks longer than her initial booking of just two weeks. Her routines often featured her imaginary husband Fang. She has recorded five records and written four books, including her 2005 autobiography, "Like a Lampshade in a Whorehous…

Date of Birth: July 17, 1917


Found 75 quotes by Phyllis Diller .
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"If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like." Phyllis Diller
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American Comedian    Baseball    Funny    Quote of the Day   

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"The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public." Phyllis Diller
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American Comedian    Football    Funny    Quote of the Day   

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"His finest hour lasted a minute and a half" Phyllis Diller
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"I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away." Phyllis Diller
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American Comedian    Boyfriend    Funny   

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"My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual" Phyllis Diller
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Anger   

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"I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass" Phyllis Diller
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"What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day" Phyllis Diller
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Christmas   

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"Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?" Phyllis Diller
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American Comedian    Funny   

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"He was in the air most of the time ... on the air, in the air, one way or the other. It was his thing and this was his airport." Phyllis Diller
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"It's a certain kind of immortality, because those Disney films do go on and on and on." Phyllis Diller
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"I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?" Phyllis Diller
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American Comedian    Funny    Words   

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"He was very much at home in the TV studio or on stage live anywhere; that is where he really lived. And, you know what, it was never a chore for him. It was never nerve-racking. He was always so completely prepared by his tremendous organization that he had put together," Phyllis Diller
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Home   

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"My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me" Phyllis Diller
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Justice   

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"My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee." Phyllis Diller
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American Comedian    Funny   

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"If that's the best joke in the world, then I've never had a face-lift." Phyllis Diller
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"It's an ill will that blows when you leave the hairdresser" Phyllis Diller
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"My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor" Phyllis Diller
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Cooking   

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"A smile is a curve that sets everything straight." Phyllis Diller
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Smile   

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"Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me." Phyllis Diller
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"Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle--keep away from children." Phyllis Diller
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"The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing at you" Phyllis Diller
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