Joan Rivers Quotes

Found 83 quotes by Joan Rivers .
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Joan Rivers

"The Carson show changed your life, ... If Carson liked you, you were set. He got the bright comics. He picked the ones who were different, who were smart." — Joan Rivers
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Life   

Joan Rivers

"We all started on his show, ... Every solid comedian today really got their break on the Carson show." — Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers

"He came at me but he got the wrong chicken," — Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers

"The nice thing about Viagra is that they are proving men can go blind on it, so you can gain weight and have a great sex life." — Joan Rivers
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Men   

Joan Rivers

"I get what he meant. He thought about shooting the guy, and that's good enough for me." — Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers

"My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy." — Joan Rivers
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American Comedian    Funny   

Joan Rivers

"I felt comedy ego beginning to grow, which gave me the courage to begin tentatively looking into myself for material." — Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers

"We were hoping to meet Mr. Right. We didn't even get a wink." — Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers

"He is so short, he may be here today. Look under the tables." — Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers

"I was not a pretty child. I developed humor to be accepted." — Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers

"That was the beginning of a very good run." — Joan Rivers
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Beginning   

Joan Rivers

"And then my dog came and sat in my lap. I knew I had to hang in there for Spike." — Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers

"If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor." — Joan Rivers
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American Comedian    Funny   

Joan Rivers

"I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, "Get the hell off my property."" — Joan Rivers
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American Comedian    Funny   

Joan Rivers

"Once you begin to believe there is help "out there," you will know it to be true." — Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers

"Dont talk to me about Valentines Day. At my age an affair of the heart is a bypass!" — Joan Rivers
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Valentine's Day   

Joan Rivers

"I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again." — Joan Rivers
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American Comedian    Funny   

Joan Rivers

"It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who." — Joan Rivers
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American Comedian    Funny   

Joan Rivers

"Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory." — Joan Rivers
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American Comedian    Chinese    Funny   

Joan Rivers

"[But she was closer to her mother.] I adored my mother. She was very formal and proper, but she was so full of fun when you got to know her. ... Because she was really like me, without the cover. You know when you take the shell off a tortoise? There's my mother. I live a lot the way she lived. I have a very formal home and my daughter was brought up strictly and all that." — Joan Rivers
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Mother   

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