Jeff Foxworthy Quotes

Found 66 quotes by Jeff Foxworthy .
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Jeff Foxworthy

"The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house." Jeff Foxworthy
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American Comedian    Funny    Quote of the Day   

Jeff Foxworthy

"I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did." Jeff Foxworthy
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American Comedian    Funny    Quote of the Day   

Jeff Foxworthy

"Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks...but not the ones she's been givin' me lately." Jeff Foxworthy
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Jeff Foxworthy

"You may be a redneck if . . . you think you are an entrepreneur because of the "Dirt for Sale" sign in the front yard." Jeff Foxworthy
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Dirt   

Jeff Foxworthy

"[Watching a baby being born] is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door." Jeff Foxworthy
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Babies    Funny    Quote of the Day   

Jeff Foxworthy

"Jeff Foxworthy's Redneck Dictionary: Words You Knew the Meaning Of" Jeff Foxworthy
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Meaning   

Jeff Foxworthy

"You may be a redneck if . . . you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education." Jeff Foxworthy
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Education   

Jeff Foxworthy

"You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not "professional" any more" Jeff Foxworthy
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Moon   

Jeff Foxworthy

"Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?" Jeff Foxworthy
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American Comedian    Babies    Funny   

Jeff Foxworthy

"My whole career can be summed up with 'Ignorance is bliss.' When you do not know better, you do not really worry about failing." Jeff Foxworthy
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Jeff Foxworthy

"You have to change those diapers every day. When those directions on the side of the Pampers box say, 'holds 6-12 pounds' they're not kidding!" Jeff Foxworthy
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Jeff Foxworthy

"You don't have anything; you don't own anything." Jeff Foxworthy
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Jeff Foxworthy

"If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck." Jeff Foxworthy
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American Comedian    Funny    Home   

Jeff Foxworthy

"You might be a redneck if ...the blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it." Jeff Foxworthy
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Value   

Jeff Foxworthy

"I was like, 'Have you all heard me talk?' ... You know, nobody's making Seinfeld live in Indiana." Jeff Foxworthy
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Jeff Foxworthy

"There's a whole segment of the population with a mentality that bases good times on where they can go and what they can buy," Jeff Foxworthy
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Population   

Jeff Foxworthy

"What I hated was doing what somebody in LA thought Jeff Foxworthy ought to do." Jeff Foxworthy
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American Comedian    Funny   

Jeff Foxworthy

"Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother -- you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it." Jeff Foxworthy
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Present   

Jeff Foxworthy

"Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist." Jeff Foxworthy
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American Comedian    Funny   

Jeff Foxworthy

"Find something in life that you love doing. If you make a lot of money, that's a bonus, and if you don't, you still won't hate going to work." Jeff Foxworthy
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American Comedian    Funny   

Jeff Foxworthy

"For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life's list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors." Jeff Foxworthy
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American Comedian    Funny   





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