George Carlin Quotes


Information about George Carlin

George Carlin
George Carlin

Releasing 23 comedy albums, hosting 14 HBO specials and authoring three best sellers during his lifetime, comedian George Carlin helped define modern stand-up routines with his rapid fire commentary on politics, race, hypocrisy and society. His command of the English language allowed him to dissect its nuances and oddities, questioning everything from the meaning of time to getting into an…

Date of Birth: May 12, 1937
Date of Death: June 22, 2008


Found 167 quotes by George Carlin .
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George Carlin

"Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town." George Carlin
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Addiction    American Comedian    Funny    Quote of the Day   

George Carlin

"Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things" George Carlin
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Editor's Pick    Funny    Quote of the Day   

George Carlin

"Atheism is a non-prophet organization" George Carlin
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Atheism    Funny    Quote of the Day    Short   

George Carlin

"A lot of the people who keep a gun at home for safety are the same ones who refuse to wear a seat belt" George Carlin
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Home   

George Carlin

"I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose" George Carlin
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Books And Reading   

George Carlin

"Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another." George Carlin
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American Comedian    Audience    Funny   

George Carlin

"I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death." George Carlin
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American Comedian    Funny   

George Carlin

"What if Alexander Graham Bell's name were Alexander Graham Siren? The phone wouldn't ring, it would GO OFF!! EERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!! HELLO! HELLO!!" George Carlin
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George Carlin

"Cop didn't see it, I didn't do it!" George Carlin
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George Carlin

"I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good Amercian because I like to form my own opionions." George Carlin
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George Carlin

"I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it" George Carlin
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George Carlin

"If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?" George Carlin
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George Carlin

"Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity" George Carlin
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Fighting   

George Carlin

"There will be a rain dance Friday night, weather permitting" George Carlin
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Night   

George Carlin

"Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong." George Carlin
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George Carlin

"The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election" George Carlin
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Democracy   

George Carlin

"Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that ..." George Carlin
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George Carlin

"The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is" George Carlin
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George Carlin

"Electricity is really just organized lightning." George Carlin
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American Comedian    Electricity    Funny   

George Carlin

"One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor" George Carlin
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Floor   

George Carlin

"I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it." George Carlin
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American Comedian    Authority    Funny   





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