Fred A. Allen Quotes

Found 24 quotes by Fred A. Allen .
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"Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs." — Fred A. Allen
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American Comedian    Funny   

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"My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense." — Fred A. Allen
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American Scientist   

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"He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone." — Fred A. Allen
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Dreams   

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"My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama." — Fred A. Allen
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American Scientist   

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"The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand." — Fred A. Allen
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American Comedian    Funny    Love    Valentine's Day   

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"During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk; today we have small men enjoying big talk." — Fred A. Allen
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American Scientist   

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"If I could get my membership fee back, I'd resign from the human race." — Fred A. Allen
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American Scientist   

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"Radio is a bag of mediocrity where little men with carbon minds wallow in sluice of their own making." — Fred A. Allen
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American Scientist   

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"All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it." — Fred A. Allen
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American Scientist   

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"You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart." — Fred A. Allen
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American Comedian    Funny   

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"An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt." — Fred A. Allen
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American Scientist   

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"A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but who, as a group, can meet and decide that nothing can be done." — Fred A. Allen
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American Scientist   

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"Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners." — Fred A. Allen
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American Comedian    Funny   

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"Cricket is al" — Fred A. Allen
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Function   

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"California is a great place to live if you're an orange." — Fred A. Allen
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American Scientist   

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"An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer." — Fred A. Allen
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American Comedian    Funny   

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"I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there." — Fred A. Allen
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American Comedian    Funny   

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"I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal labotomy." — Fred A. Allen
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American Comedian    Funny   

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"Committee - a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done." — Fred A. Allen
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American Comedian    Funny   

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"A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized." — Fred A. Allen
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American Scientist   

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"A conference is a gathering of people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done." — Fred A. Allen
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American Scientist   

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