Dennis Miller Quotes


Information about Dennis Miller

Thanks to his stint on Saturday Night Live and writing and hosting its Weekend Update segments, Dennis Miller is a household name. His satirical delivery and often obscure references to cultural icons, society and politics carved a niche for Miller, leading eventually to Dennis Miller Live, his nightly comedy talk show. He also served as a commentator for NFL Monday Nigh Football. His appe…

Date of Birth: November 03, 1953


Found 68 quotes by Dennis Miller .
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"There's no doubt about it, show business lures the people who didn't get enough love, attention, or approval early in life and have grown up to become bottomless, gaping vessels of terrifying, abject need. Please laugh." Dennis Miller
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Approval   

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"You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven okay?" Dennis Miller
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"It's ironic that in our culture everyone's biggest complaint is about not having enough time; yet nothing terrifies us more than the thought of eternity." Dennis Miller
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American Comedian    Funny   

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"Liberals should not overplay this weapons of mass destruction card, because you want me to tell you the truth? Most of us are not going to care if they don't find these weapons of mass destruction. It's enough for a lot of us to see those kids smiling on that street again." Dennis Miller
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American Comedian    Funny   

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"Police in Washington D.C. are now using cameras to catch drivers who go through red lights. Many congressmen this week opposed the use of the red light cameras incorrectly assuming they were being used for surveillance at local brothels." Dennis Miller
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American Comedian    Funny    Police   

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"Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch." Dennis Miller
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American Comedian    Funny   

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"A recent police study found that you’re much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run." Dennis Miller
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Funny    Short   

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"We are simultaneously the most hated, loved, feared and admired nation on this planet. In short, we are Frank Sinatra. And the Chairman didn't make his bones laying down for punks..." Dennis Miller
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"What is guilt? Guilt is the pledge drive constantly hammering in our heads that keeps us from fully enjoying the show. Guilt is the reason they put the articles in Playboy." Dennis Miller
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American Comedian    Funny    Guilt   

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"Trends don't mean anything to me. If I like something, I'll do it. If I don't, I won't do it, and I wouldn't care if everybody in the country mocked me." Dennis Miller
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"If Clinton had only attacked terrorism as much as he attacks George Bush we wouldn't be in this problem." Dennis Miller
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American Comedian    Funny    Terrorism   

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"That field goal attempt was so far to the left it nearly decapitated Lyndon LaRouche" Dennis Miller
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"The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt." Dennis Miller
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American Comedian    Funny    Global Warming   

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"I've always loved the flirtatious tango of consonants and vowels, the sturdy dependability of nouns and capricious whimsy of verbs, the strutting pageantry of the adjective and the flitting evanescence of the adverb, all kept safe and orderly by those reliable little policemen, punctuation marks. Wow! Think I got my ass kicked in high school?" Dennis Miller
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"And quit bringing up our forefathers and saying they were civil libertarians. Our founding fathers would have never tolerated any of this crap. For God's sake, they were blowing peoples' heads off because they put a tax on their breakfast beverage. And it wasn't even coffee." Dennis Miller
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Fathers   

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"There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it." Dennis Miller
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American Comedian    Funny   

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"Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese." Dennis Miller
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American Comedian    Funny   

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"I'm like Bush, I see the world more like checkers than chess." Dennis Miller
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American Comedian    Chess    Funny   

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"One man's Voltaire is another man's Screech." Dennis Miller
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American Comedian    Funny   

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"What's so touching is the way we fight the war right until the moment our business is taken care of and then we turn on a dime and we immediately start taking care of people. It's like a shock and aw shucks campaign." Dennis Miller
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American Comedian    Funny   

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"Parenting is the most important job on the planet next to keeping Gary Busey off the nation's highways" Dennis Miller
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Parents   





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