Dave Barry Quotes

Found 234 quotes by Dave Barry .
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Dave Barry

"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza." Dave Barry
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Editor's Pick    Funny    Quote of the Day   

Dave Barry

"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night" Dave Barry
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Circumstances    Funny    Quote of the Day    Short   

Dave Barry

"You can only be young once. But you can always be immature." Dave Barry
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American Journalist    Editor's Pick    Funny    Quote of the Day   

Dave Barry

"The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl." Dave Barry
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American Journalist    Fire   

Dave Barry

"Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid." Dave Barry
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American Journalist    Believe   

Dave Barry

"The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot." Dave Barry
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American Journalist   

Dave Barry

"Meetings are an addictive, highly self-indulgent activity that corporations and other large organizations habitually engage in only because they cannot masturbate" Dave Barry
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Corporations   

Dave Barry

"Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer." Dave Barry
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American Journalist   

Dave Barry

"Americans who travel abroad for the first time are often shocked to discover that, despite all the progress that has been made in the last 30 years, many foreign people still speak in foreign languages" Dave Barry
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Dave Barry

"Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice." Dave Barry
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American Journalist   

Dave Barry

"One day soon the Gillette company will announce the development of a razor that, thanks to a computer microchip, can actually travel ahead in time and shave beard hairs that don't even exist yet" Dave Barry
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Company   

Dave Barry

"New York Taxi Rules:1. Driver speaks no English.2. Driver just got here two days ago from someplace like Segal.3. Driver hates you." Dave Barry
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New York   

Dave Barry

"In 1765, Parliament passed the Stamp Act, which, as any American high school student can tell you, was an act that apparently had something to do with stamps." Dave Barry
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American Journalist   

Dave Barry

"It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent." Dave Barry
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American Journalist   

Dave Barry

"The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the laws of logic or science. Dennis Rodman is only one example." Dave Barry
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American Journalist   

Dave Barry

"Congress, after years of stalling, finally got around to clearing the way for informal discussions that might lead to possible formal talks that could potentially produce some kind of tentative agreements..." Dave Barry
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Congress   

Dave Barry

"I would not know how I am supposed to feel about many stories if not for the fact that the TV news personalities make sad faces for sad stories and happy faces for happy stories." Dave Barry
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American Journalist   

Dave Barry

"Admit it, sport-utility-vehicle owners! It's shaped a little differently, but it's a station wagon! And you do not drive it across rivers! You drive it across the Wal-Mart parking lot!" Dave Barry
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Dave Barry

"Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 feet per second, is a cow that has been dropped out of a helicopter." Dave Barry
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Dave Barry

"If you have a big enough dictionary, just about everything is a word." Dave Barry
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American Journalist   

Dave Barry

"The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of celery." Dave Barry
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American Journalist    Democracy   





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Yogi Berra
Birth: 1925-05-12

"It's never happened in the World Series competition, and it still hasn't."

One of the greatest baseball players, managers and coaches during in the second half of the 20th century, Yogi Berra held records for the most home runs hit as a catcher and most consecutive games without an error. He signed a contract with the New York Yankees in 1942, fought in the war, then rejoined the team in 1946, serving as catcher until 1963. Berra played in 14 World Series. After retiring, he managed the Yankees, then the Mets. Berra is one of the few coaches to manage pennant winners in the American and National Leagues and was named to the Baseball Hall of Fame in 1972. He w…



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