Conan O'Brien

(9 votes)   During last night's debate, John Kerry and John Edwards were so friendly to each other some political experts think that they may end up running together. In fact Kerry and Edwards were so friendly, President Bush accused them of planning a gay marriage.

Conan O'Brien
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(9 votes)   Early on, they were timing my contract with an egg timer.

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(6 votes)   Pamela Anderson Lee released a statement confirming that she has had her breast implants removed. Doctors say that Pamela is doing fine and that her old implants are now dating Charlie Sheen.

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(13 votes)   A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'

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(11 votes)   In a prime-time address, President Bush said he backed limited federal funding for stem cell research. That's right, the President said, this is a quote, the research could help cure brain diseases like Alzheimer's, Parkinson's, and whatever it is I have.

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(10 votes)   In New York, we had primary elections for mayor. To improve their chances, all five candidates changed their name to Rudy Giuliani.

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(10 votes)   Michael Jackson was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. It caused quite a controversy, because his nose isn't eligible for another fifteen years.

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(10 votes)   The U.S. army confirmed that it gave a lucrative fire fighting contract in Iraq to the firm once run by the Vice President Dick Cheney without any competitive bidding. When asked if this could be conceived as Cheney's friends profiting from the war, the spokesman said 'Yes.'

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(9 votes)   Apparently the new high-tech Star Wars toys will be in stores any day now. The toys can talk and are interactive, so they can be easily distinguished from Star Wars fans.

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(8 votes)   Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'

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(7 votes)   CBS news anchor Dan Rather has interviewed Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein. When asked what it was like to talk to a crazy man, Saddam said, 'It's not so bad.'

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(7 votes)   Fish recognize a bad leader.

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(7 votes)   Officials at the White House are saying that President Bush hasn't changed his schedule much since the war started. The main difference, they say, is that he's started watching the news and taping Sponge Bob.

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(7 votes)   President Bush left for Canada today to attend a trade summit. Reportedly, the trade summit got off to an awkward start when the president pulled out his baseball cards.

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(7 votes)   Scientists announced that they have located the gene for alcoholism. Scientists say they found it at a party, talking way too loudly.

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