Author Unknown Quote


"[opening monologue]
Ash: My name is Ash and I am a slave. As far as I can tell, the year is 1300 A.D and I'm being dragged to my death. It wasn't always like this, I had a normal life, once.
Ash: [now Ash is in a flashback] Hardware aisle twelve, shop smart, shop S-Mart!
Ash: [back to monologue] I had a beautiful girlfriend named Linda. We decided to spend a weekend at an abandoned cabin in the woods. While there we found a book, Necronomiconexmortis, roughly translated, the Book of the Dead. Inked in human blood and bound in human flesh it was never meant for the world of the living. The book awoke something in the woods, something evil.
[something crashes through the window of the cabin and Linda screams]
Ash: It took Linda. Then it came after me, it got into my hand and it went bad, so I lopped it off at the wrist.
[Ash is seen cutting off his hand]
Ash: But that didn't stop it, it came back for more.
Ash: [Ash gets pulled into the vortex holding onto the doorway] For God's sake how do you stop it?
[Ash falls into the vortex and the opening credits start]
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