All Jokes

Found 619 jokes.
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"Two blondes are facing each other across a wide stream.
One yells to the other, "How do you get to the other side?"
The other blonde replies, "You are on the other side!""
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Blonde Jokes Short
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"A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, "I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
"Darn, he recognized me," she thought.
She went for a complete disguise this time; haircut and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before she again approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?"
"Because that's a microwave," he replied."
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Blonde Funny Jokes Long
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"An older woman gets pulled over for speeding...
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer : Ma'am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer : Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer : Don't have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer : I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman: I can't do that.
Officer : Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer : Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer : You what?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.
Officer2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer2 : Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too."
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Clean Jokes Long
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"A blonde walks into the library. She walks up to the counter, SLAMS a book down and screams at the librarian, "This is the WORST book I've ever read! It has NO plot and far too many characters!"
The librarian looks up and calmly remarks, "So, you're the one who took our phone book.""
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Blonde Jokes Short
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"A blonde has sharp pains in her side. The doctor examines her and says, "You have acute appendicitis."
The blonde says, "That's sweet, doc, but I came here to get medical help.""
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Blonde Jokes Short
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"Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blond. Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ." Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape. The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ." The redhead then screams, "tornado!!" Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution. By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She also says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
The blond shouts, "fire!!""
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Blonde Jokes Long

Featured Book: The Most Brilliant Thoughts of All Time (In Two Lines or Less) by John M. Shanahan

You don't have to be a genius to sound like one. Here's a collection of the most profound and provocative wit and wisdom in the English language in two lines or less. Edited by entrepreneur John M. Shanahan, who created the wildly successful Hooked on Phonics program, this wonderful book presents the best that has been thought and said on every imaginable topic.
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"We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police."
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Clean Jokes Short
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"Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken."
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Blonde Jokes Short
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"Why can't blondes make ice cubes?
They always forget the recipe."
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Blonde Jokes Short
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"What happened to the blonde ice hockey team?
They drowned at spring training."
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Blonde Jokes Short Stupidity
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"What did the blonde say when she opened the box of Cheerios?
"Oh, look, Daddy ... doughnut seeds.""
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Blonde Jokes Short
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"A blonde walked into work crying her eyes out and her boss asked her what was wrong. She said that her mom just died. Her boss told her she should take the day off. The blonde replied, "No I need to take my mind off of it." She went into her office. Her boss said, "I will check on you in a little while." After an hour the boss went into the office and the blonde was crying even more. He asked her what was wrong?
She answered, " I just got a call from my sister saying her mom died too!""
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Blonde Jokes Short
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"Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
She didn't want to wake up the sleeping pills."
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Blonde Jokes Short
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"How do blonde brain cells die?
... Alone."
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Blonde Jokes Short
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"Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up."
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Clean Jokes Short
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"Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died."
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Chuck Norris Jokes Short
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"Everybody tries to be perfect.....Perfection tries to be Chuck Norris"
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Chuck Norris Jokes Short
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"Two blondes went to the pound where each adopted a puppy. The joy of their new best friend was quickly overshadowed when they got home and the first blonde said, "I think we're in trouble, how are we going to tell them apart?"
This lead to several hours of concentration until finally, the second blonde said, "I've got an idea. We'll tie a red bow around my puppy and a blue bow around yours."
The next day the first blonde comes running up to the second when she got home, "Oh no, I can't tell whose puppy is whose. They've pulled the ribbons off while they were playing."
"OK, we need to find a better way to tell them apart," says the second blonde. After several more hours of concentration, they came up with the bright idea of getting different colored collars.
Again, the next day, the first blonde comes running up to the second as soon as she gets home, "Oh no, I can't tell whose puppy is whose. They've pulled their collars off while they were playing."
"There's got to be some way to tell them apart," says the second blonde.
After several more hours of concentration, the first blonde finally comes up with another idea, "I know! Why don't you take the black one and I'll take the white one!""
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Blonde Jokes Long
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"There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives."
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Chuck Norris Jokes Short
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"There was a blonde, brunette and a red-headed girl.They were stranded in a desert, and a genie appeared.He said I will give you one wish each. So the red-head wished she was home and so did the brunette. The genie granted their wishes, and they went home. Then the genie asked the blonde, "What is your wish?"
"I can't decide. I wish my friends were here to help me!""
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Blonde Jokes Short
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"Anyone in your family died right after saying, "Hey y'all, watch this!""
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Jokes Redneck Short You Might Be A Redneck If...

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Birth: 1895-10-02 Death: 1977-08-19

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