Funny

(180 votes)   Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

Anonymous

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(173 votes)   If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

Anonymous

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(166 votes)   The innkeeper loves a drunkard, but not for a son-in-law.

Jewish Proverb

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(161 votes)   If Jack's in love, he's no judge of Jill's beauty.

Benjamin Franklin

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(161 votes)   Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny. - Deep Thoughts (Saturday Night Live)

Jack Handey

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(159 votes)   A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

Berle Milton

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(159 votes)   Calvin): People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world. (Hobbes): Isn't your pants' zipper supposed to be in the front? - Calvin and Hobbes

Bill Waterson

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(159 votes)   You can't force anyone to love you or lend you money.

Jewish Proverb

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(157 votes)   Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy, fat women. -

Marion Smith

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(154 votes)   A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.

Marvin Kitman

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(154 votes)   If your friend is already dead, and being eaten by vultures, I think it's okay to feed some bits of your friend to one of the vultures, to teach him to do some tricks. But ONLY if you're serious about adopting the vulture. - Deep Thoughts (Saturday Night Live)

Jack Handey

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(152 votes)   I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

George Burns

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(151 votes)   Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.

Albert Einstein

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(149 votes)   Everyone's just laughing at me. I hate it. Big breasts, big ass, big deal, Can't I be anything else ? Gee, how long can you be sexy?

Marilyn Monroe
American Singer 1926-1962

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(147 votes)   A cat does not want all the world to love her -- only those she has chosen to love.

Helen Thomson

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