Funny

(94 votes)   A honeymoon should be like a table: four bare legs and no drawers.

UNKNOWN

Rate this quote: (bad)<> (good)
copy to your blog, myspace, or website

(94 votes)   A man should be taller, older, heavier, uglier, and hoarser than his wife.

Edgar Watson Howe

Rate this quote: (bad)<> (good)
copy to your blog, myspace, or website

(94 votes)   If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

George Gobol

Rate this quote: (bad)<> (good)
copy to your blog, myspace, or website

(94 votes)   Keep the lid down.

UNKNOWN

Rate this quote: (bad)<> (good)
copy to your blog, myspace, or website

(93 votes)   I never made a mistake in my life; at least, never one that I couldn't explain away afterwards.

Rudyard Kipling

Rate this quote: (bad)<> (good)
copy to your blog, myspace, or website

(93 votes)   If you were everything a woman wanted, she wouldn't want you anymore.

Deejay Miller

Rate this quote: (bad)<> (good)
copy to your blog, myspace, or website

(93 votes)   It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money. And I guess that's what I like about it. It's easy. Just sitting there, rocking back and forth, wanting that money. - Deep Thoughts ( Saturday Night Live)

Jack Handy

Rate this quote: (bad)<> (good)
copy to your blog, myspace, or website

(92 votes)   Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.

Charlie Brown

Rate this quote: (bad)<> (good)
copy to your blog, myspace, or website

(92 votes)   We are only young once. That is all society can stand.

Bob Bowen

Rate this quote: (bad)<> (good)
copy to your blog, myspace, or website

(91 votes)   If you go flying back through time and you see somebody else flying forward into the future, it's probably best to avoid eye contact. - Deep Thoughts (Saturday Night Live)

Jack Handy

Rate this quote: (bad)<> (good)
copy to your blog, myspace, or website

(91 votes)   Married life has many ups and downs. May all of yours be between the sheets!

UNKNOWN

Rate this quote: (bad)<> (good)
copy to your blog, myspace, or website

(91 votes)   May all your ups and downs come only in the bedroom.

UNKNOWN

Rate this quote: (bad)<> (good)
copy to your blog, myspace, or website

(91 votes)   To our wives and lovers - may they never meet!

UNKNOWN

Rate this quote: (bad)<> (good)
copy to your blog, myspace, or website

(90 votes)   I think a good product would be Baby Duck Hat. It's a fake baby duck, which you strap on top of your head. Then you go swimming underwater until you find a mommy duck and her babies, and you join them. Then all of the sudden, you stand up out of the water and roar like Godzilla. Man those ducks really take off! Also Baby Duck Hat is good for parties. - Deep Thoughts (Saturday Night Live)

Jack Handy

Rate this quote: (bad)<> (good)
copy to your blog, myspace, or website

(90 votes)   Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.

Dave Barry

Rate this quote: (bad)<> (good)
copy to your blog, myspace, or website