Funny

(126 votes)   Politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians.

Charles de Gaulle

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(125 votes)   To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, Hey, can you give me a hand? You can say, Sorry, got these sacks. - Deep Thoughts (Saturday Night Live)

Jack Handy

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(125 votes)   We the willing, following the unknowing are doing the impossible. We have done so much for so long with so little that we are now able to do anything with nothing

Anonymous

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(124 votes)   All marriages are mixed marriages.

Chantal Saperstein

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(124 votes)   I've watched so many mystery stories on T.V, when I turn off the set I wipe my finger-prints off the dial.

Anonymous

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(123 votes)   Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

Anonymous

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(123 votes)   Remember, it doesn't matter whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.

Darrin Weinberg

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(122 votes)   Oh, I have loved him too much to feel no hate for him.

August Strindberg

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(120 votes)   It's probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you're talking to the president, because what if he tells a funny joke and you laugh so hard you spit the toothpick out and it hits him in the face or something. - (Deep Thoughts) Saturday Night Live

Jack Handey

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(118 votes)   A man's wife has more power over him than the state has.

Ralph Emerson

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(118 votes)   Maybe in order to understand mankind we have to look at that word itself. MANKIND. Basically, it's made up of two separate words mank and ind. What do these words mean? It's a mystery and that's why so is mankind.

Jack Handy

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(118 votes)   The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you.

Rita Mae Brown

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(115 votes)   As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more than a bunch of honking and yelling? Sometimes it seemed that way. - Deep Thoughts (Saturday Night Live)

Jack Handy

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(115 votes)   Of course I don't always enjoy being a mother. At those times my husband and I hole up somewhere in the wine country, eat, drink, make mad love and pretend we were born sterile and raise poodles

Dorothy Debolt

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(114 votes)   Forgive those who hurt you , but break their heads if they do it again!

Sandra S

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