Funny

(132 votes)   A funny thing is if you're out hiking and your friend gets bit by a poisonous snake, tell him you're going for help, then go about ten feet and pretend YOU got bit by a snake. Then start an argument about who's going to get help. A lot of guys will start crying. That's why it makes you feel good when you tell them it was just a joke. - (Deep Thoughts) Saturday Night Live

Jack Handey

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(132 votes)   If you work on a lobster boat, sneaking up behind someone and pinching him is probably a joke that gets old real fast.

Jack Handey

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(132 votes)   Love is an emotion that is based on an opinion of women that is impossible for those who have had any experience with them.

Henry Louis Mencken

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(132 votes)   Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it.

Gordon R. Dickson

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(131 votes)   Some pray to marry the man they love, my prayer will somewhat vary: I humbly pray to heaven above that I love the man I marry.

Rose Pastor Stokes

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(131 votes)   When I write love songs, people think they're really soppy -- but I see love as a consolation for the boredom of life.

Martin Gore

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(130 votes)   Biochemically, love is just like eating large amounts of chocolate.

John Milton

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(130 votes)   Parents must get across the idea that I love you always, but sometimes I do not love your behavior.

Amy Vanderbilt

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(129 votes)   Keep the lid down.

UNKNOWN

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(128 votes)   The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money costs less.

Brendan Francis

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(127 votes)   "It's hard to pull your foot out of your mouth... ...when your head is up your ass".

Feddler Von Schtickle

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(127 votes)   Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses.

Lord Dewar

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(127 votes)   Love is the self-delusion we manufacture to justify the trouble we take to have sex.

Dan Greenburg

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(126 votes)   English Law prohibits a man from marrying his mother-in-law. This is our idea of useless legislation.

Anonymous

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(126 votes)   I was about half in love with her by the time we sat down. There's the thing about girls. Every time they do something pretty, even if they're not much to look at, or even if they're sort of stupid, you fall in love with them and then you never know where the hell you are. - The Catcher in the Rye

J.D. Salinger

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