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(147 votes)   The greater love is a mother's; then comes a dog's; then a sweetheart's.

Polish Proverb

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(146 votes)   Love wouldn't be blind if the Braille weren't so damned much fun.

Anonymous

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(146 votes)   What happens if a big asteroid hits Earth ? Judging from realistic simulations involving a sledge hammer and a common laboratory frog, we can assume it will be pretty bad.

Dave Berry

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(144 votes)   I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code

Emo Phillips

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(144 votes)   The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.

Jack Handey

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(143 votes)   China is a big country with a lot of chinese people living there Former French President Charles De Gaulle

Charles De Gaulle

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(143 votes)   In the future everybody will be world famous for fifteen minutes.

Andy Warhol

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(142 votes)   There is no love sincerer than the love of food.

George Bernard Shaw

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(141 votes)   Love means nothing in tennis, but it's everything in life.

Anonymous

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(140 votes)   I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, 'There's water in the carburettor'. I said, 'Where's the car?' She said, 'In the lake'.

Henry Youngman

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(138 votes)   Love can never give too much, But those of us who love Can give in too much.

Alfred Stuart, Jr.

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(135 votes)   A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears.

Woodrow Wyatt

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(135 votes)   I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.

David Bissonette

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(133 votes)   Instead of a trap door, what about a trap window? The guy looks out it, and if he leans too far, he falls out. Wait. I guess that's like a regular window. - Deep Thoughts (Saturday Night Live)

Jack Handy

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(133 votes)   Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.

Mayor Marion Barry

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