Mark Twain

(84 votes)   A joke, even if it be a lame one, is nowhere so keenly relished or quickly applauded as in a murder trial.

Mark Twain
1835-1910, American Humorist, Writer

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(84 votes)   A man's house burns down. The smoking wreckage represents only a ruined home that was dear through years of use and pleasant associations. By and by, as the days and weeks go on, first he misses this, then that, then the other thing. And when he casts about for it he finds that it was in that house. Always it is an essential -- there was but one of its kind. It cannot be replaced. It was in that house. It is irrevocably lost. It will be years before the tale of lost essentials is complete, and not till then can he truly know the magnitude of his disaster.

Mark Twain
1835-1910, American Humorist, Writer

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(84 votes)   I refused to attend his funeral. But I wrote a very nice letter explaining that I approved of it.

Mark Twain
1835-1910, American Humorist, Writer

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(84 votes)   I was seldom able to see an opportunity until it had ceased to be one.

Mark Twain
American, Author Quotes

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(84 votes)   It isn't safe to sit in judgment upon another person's illusion when you are not on the inside. While you are thinking it is a dream, he may be knowing it is a planet.

Mark Twain
1835-1910, American Humorist, Writer

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(84 votes)   Prosperity is the surest breeder of insolence I know.

Mark Twain
1835-1910, American Humorist, Writer

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(84 votes)   There was never a century nor a country that was short of experts who knew the Deity's mind and were willing to reveal it.

Mark Twain
1835-1910, American Humorist, Writer

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(84 votes)   Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing, but cabbage with a college education.

Mark Twain
1835-1910, American Humorist, Writer

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(84 votes)   When you ascend the hill of prosperity, may you not meet a friend.

Mark Twain
1835-1910, American Humorist, Writer

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(83 votes)   Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities.

Mark Twain
American, Author Quotes

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(83 votes)   To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did, I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times.

Mark Twain
1835-1910, American Humorist, Writer

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(83 votes)   Wit and Humor -- if any difference, it is in duration -- lightning and electric light. Same material, apparently; but one is vivid, and can do damage -- the other fools along and enjoys elaboration.

Mark Twain
1835-1910, American Humorist, Writer

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(82 votes)   I don't know of a single foreign product that enters this country untaxed, except the answer to prayer.

Mark Twain
1835-1910, American Humorist, Writer

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(82 votes)   There is nothing you can say in answer to a compliment. I have been complimented myself a great many times, and they always embarrass me --I always feel that they have not said enough.

Mark Twain
1835-1910, American Humorist, Writer

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(82 votes)   What is there that confers the noblest delight? What is that which swells a man's breast with pride above that which any other experience can bring to him? Discovery! To know that you are walking where none others have walked; that you are beholding what human eye has not seen before; that you are breathing a virgin atmosphere. To give birth to an idea, to discover a great thought -- an intellectual nugget, right under the dust of a field that many a brain-plough had gone over before. To find a new planet, to invent a new hinge, to find a way to make the lightning carry your messages. To be the first -- that is the idea.

Mark Twain
1835-1910, American Humorist, Writer

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