Waiting to Exhale

(15 votes)   Dan: Ma'am, I don't doubt the steak was over-cooked, but did you have to eat it all before you complained about it?


Waiting... 2005

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(14 votes)   Corky St. Clair: How tall are you?
Johnny: 6'2.
Corky St. Clair: Really... Wow!


Waiting for Guffman 1996

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(14 votes)   Corky St. Clair: I got off that boat with nothing but my dancers belt and a tube of CHAPSTICK!


Waiting for Guffman 1996

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(11 votes)   Corky St. Clair: Here's the Remains of the Day lunchbox. Kids don't like eating at school, but if they have a Remains of the Day lunchbox they're a lot happier.


Waiting for Guffman 1996

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(11 votes)   Naomi: I hate this ****ing place sometimes, you know. Why the **** do we need four more people on at this time of day, man? Look at this place, it's ****ing dead! I swear, Dan needs to clean the ****** out of his ****ing brain sometimes, man. ****ing asshole. What are you looking at, ****-wad?


Waiting... 2005

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(10 votes)   Corky St. Clair: My first show was Barefoot in the Park, which was an absolute smash, but my production on the stage of Backdraft was what really got them excited. This whole idea of 'In Your Face' theatre really affected them. The conceptualization, the whole abstraction, the obtuseness of this production to me was what was interesting. I wanted the audience to feel the heat from the fire, the fear, because people don't like fire, poked, poked in their noses, you know when you get a cinder from a barbeque right on the end of your nose and you kind of make that face, you know, that's not a good thing, and I wanted them to have the sense memory of that. So during the show I had someone burn newspapers and send it through the vents in the theatre. And well, they freaked out, and 'course the fire Marshall came over and they shut us down for a couple of days.


Waiting for Guffman 1996

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(10 votes)   Sheila: He's teaching me to change my instincts... or at least ignore them.


Waiting for Guffman 1996

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(9 votes)   Male Customer #1: It's too bad Chlamydia has to be a venereal disease. It's such a pleasant-sounding word.
Male Customer #2: Chlamydia?
Male Customer #1: Chlamydia.
Male Customer #2: Chlamydia. I think I might name my daughter Chlamydia.


Waiting... 2005

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(9 votes)   Monty: I must say there's nothing more attractive than tainted youth. Yes, I am indeed a pervert. Does that offend you?
Natasha: Nope, I think most tainted youths end up being perverts.
Monty: Good answer!
Natasha: Oh and Monty, just so you know, I'm only a minor for another week. I turn eighteen on Wednesday.
Monty: Well, then I guess I better hurry up then. I don't have much time.


Waiting... 2005

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(9 votes)   Monty: Women troubles Amy?
Amy: I just don't understand what would compel a person to be such a ***** to a total stranger!
Monty: Maybe she was abused when she was a child.
Amy: Oh God, I ****ing hope so.


Waiting... 2005

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(9 votes)   Serena: Have you talked to him about it?
Amy: No, I'm playing hard to get.
Serena: Oh, but haven't you slept with him like the past five nights?
Amy: Well, not *real* hard to get.


Waiting... 2005

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(8 votes)   Monty: Okay, so how would you like your steak prepared?
Female Customer: Oh, let's see... Medium... medium-rare... Well, I want a hot, pink center.
[Beat]
Monty: Don't we all?


Waiting... 2005

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(8 votes)   Monty: So are you going to talk to her or are you just gonna hope you're never forced to make an actual decision?
Dean: I'm going with option B.
Monty: That's my boy.


Waiting... 2005

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(8 votes)   UFO Abductee: They took me off into a separate room; I seen 'em takin' different people off; different ones of us off in separate rooms and put me on a big white table and uh the guy that took me in there - to examine me I guess - he probed me and then I was in there I bet more than three or four hours, in that room, being probed and at one time or another these different ones of 'em came in, four or five or six of 'em at different times, and all of 'em probed me, uh, not all at once, you know, individually. Later on, years later, now, even still, uh, it's a funny thing - it happened on a Sunday and every Sunday about the time I was taken on board that ship I - find I have no feelings in my buttocks.


Waiting for Guffman 1996

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(8 votes)   [Corky and Libby are playing a World War II era couple in Red, White and Blaine]
Libby Mae Brown: [as Ima] I hear that French girls... are very pretty... that they wear the finest of clothes. I also hear that they are experts... in the ways of love.
Corky St. Clair: [as Monty] Ima... I'm going to fight for my country! To fight... and yes, perhaps die... so that young men from here to Timbuktu can feel the wind of freedom blowin' through their hairrrrr!


Waiting for Guffman 1996

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