Funny

(859 votes)   "EVERY WOMEN HAS THE EXACT LOVE LIFE THAT SHE WANTS."

UNKNOWN UNKNOWN
WRITER FROM "THE WEDDING DATE"

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(127 votes)   "It's hard to pull your foot out of your mouth... ...when your head is up your ass".

Feddler Von Schtickle

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(113 votes)   "It's hard to pull your foot out of your mouth... ...when your head is up your ass".

Feddler Von Schtickle

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(86 votes)   "It's my world, you all just live in it."

Monica Smith

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(79 votes)   "If life gives you apples, eat them. If life gives you lemons, throw them at a wall and say 'the heck with that!' "

Bri Jan

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(97 votes)   (Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers. Now, remember this moment and cherish it... because this will be the last time you'll ever have the upper hand!

UNKNOWN

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(108 votes)   A bachelor is a selfish, undeserving guy who has cheated some woman out of a divorce.

Don Quinn

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(147 votes)   A cat does not want all the world to love her -- only those she has chosen to love.

Helen Thomson

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(290 votes)   A Code of Honor: Never approach a friend's girlfriend or wife with mischief as your goal. There are just too many women in the world to justify that sort of dishonorable behavior. Unless she's really attractive.

Bruce Friedman

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(154 votes)   A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.

Marvin Kitman

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(207 votes)   A friend is one who knows us, but loves us anyway.

Fr. Jerome Cummings

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(132 votes)   A funny thing is if you're out hiking and your friend gets bit by a poisonous snake, tell him you're going for help, then go about ten feet and pretend YOU got bit by a snake. Then start an argument about who's going to get help. A lot of guys will start crying. That's why it makes you feel good when you tell them it was just a joke. - (Deep Thoughts) Saturday Night Live

Jack Handey

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(159 votes)   A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

Berle Milton

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(94 votes)   A honeymoon should be like a table: four bare legs and no drawers.

UNKNOWN

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(249 votes)   A husband is a guy who tells you when you've got on too much lipstick and helps you with your girdle when your hips stick.

Ogden Nash

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