George Burns

(153 votes)   I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

George Burns

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(119 votes)   By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember it.

George Burns
1896-1996, American Comedy Actor

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(82 votes)   Life's but a day at most.

George Burns
1896-1996, American Comedy Actor

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(52 votes)   Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.

George Burns
American, Comedian Quotes

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(51 votes)   I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.

George Burns
American, Comedian Quotes

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(49 votes)   The most important thing in acting is honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

George Burns
American, Comedian Quotes

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(48 votes)   If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.

George Burns
American, Comedian Quotes

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(45 votes)   How can I die? I'm booked.

George Burns
American, Comedian Quotes

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(45 votes)   It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

George Burns
American, Comedian Quotes

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(42 votes)   This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two.

George Burns
American, Comedian Quotes

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(41 votes)   If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it.

George Burns
American, Comedian Quotes

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(38 votes)   I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides, I can't die now - I'm booked.

George Burns
American, Comedian Quotes

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(38 votes)   I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.

George Burns
American, Comedian Quotes

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(37 votes)   First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

George Burns
American, Comedian Quotes

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(37 votes)   I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.

George Burns
American, Comedian Quotes

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