Fred A. Allen

(36 votes)   Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.

Fred Allen
American, Comedian Quotes

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(34 votes)   I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names, and - I can't remember what the third thing is.

Fred Allen
American, Comedian Quotes

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(425 votes)   He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.

Fred A. Allen
1894-1957, American Radio Comic

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(187 votes)   A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 am and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 p.m. to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.

Fred A. Allen
1894-1957, American Radio Comic

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(78 votes)   During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk; today we have small men enjoying big talk.

Fred A. Allen
Author Nationalities, Scientist Quotes

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(74 votes)   An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.

Fred A. Allen
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(65 votes)   A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.

Fred Allen
American, Comedian Quotes

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(65 votes)   I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there.

Fred Allen
American, Comedian Quotes

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(64 votes)   A conference is a gathering of people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.

Fred A. Allen
Author Nationalities, Scientist Quotes

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(62 votes)   My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.

Fred A. Allen
Author Nationalities, Scientist Quotes

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(61 votes)   An actor's popularity is fleeting. His success has the life expectancy of a small boy who is about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match.

Fred Allen
American, Comedian Quotes

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(60 votes)   A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on.

Fred Allen
American, Comedian Quotes

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(60 votes)   An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer.

Fred Allen
American, Comedian Quotes

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(58 votes)   Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.

Fred Allen
American, Comedian Quotes

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(54 votes)   All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.

Fred A. Allen
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