Another week is underway, and maybe you're recovering from an overscheduled weekend, perhaps the friends you invited over for dinner stayed a little too long, or frankly, you just dread getting out of bed and heading to the office or the classroom. You need some funny quotes
to help you face the day... and the day after... and the month after that. We're here to help. For a little mental exercise, try memorizing a few of these jolly bits of inspiration to make the day a little more bearable. There's a smile in there somewhere!
For those of you in the workplace, we'll start off with funny quotes
from "David Brent,"
aka the fictional character created by comedian/writer Ricky Gervais
in the hit sitcom, The Office. "If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail."
Try it, but don't put a fork in your eye! Your wisdom in keeping your opinions in check, combined with a strong work ethic, will pay off. In one of many funny quotes
from comedienne Lily Tomlin, "The road to success is always under construction."
Being a student can be very stressful and requires funny quotes
just to keep you sane, especially if final exams are right around the corner. If you're having trouble staying awake during your teacher's long dissertation about Human Computer Interaction for Agoraphobics, you may appreciate this observation by poet W.H. Auden
, "A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep."
If you really want to stump your teacher, ask them, "If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?"
just one of hundreds of funny quotes by the comedian Stephen Wright
Sometimes you just need to go out on that limb and ask the questions that others are afraid to. Mae West
was certainly wasn't shy about speaking her mind, and quick to make a keen observation, such as "Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?"
ÃÂÃÂ Note: you can substitute banana or Tootsie Roll or whatever object you choose...be creative!
Another jewel that stems from basic powers of observation is, "Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?"
You may have noticed that this year's presidential race has been a virtual petri dish for cultivating funny quotes
. It is true that presidents need a broad sense of humor, as demonstrated by George W. Bush
: "I've often thought that the process of aging could be slowed down if it had to go through Congress."Albert Einstein
was renowned more for his highly intelligent discoveries than his ability to impress his friends with funny quotes, but his superior intellect manifested itself in some pretty amusing observations, such as, "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
It seems that intelligence and common sense are closely related. For example, it is often said that knowledge is wisdom, but it has also been said that, "Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad."
But sometimes it's just best to leave the funny quotes
to the professionals. You may not have heard of the Welsh comedian Tommy Cooper
, but you've probably heard this one: "I had a dream last night; I was eating a ten pound marshmallow. I woke up this morning and the pillow was gone."
Tommy was also responsible for the classic quip, "I went into a French restaurant and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'"
Yes, we hear you groaning out there, but I bet there's a smile that goes with it!